*This article has light mention of consensual-non-consent and may cause triggers. It is also slightly graphic when I describe the time leading up to me hitting my sub-space.
First off, what the heck is sub-space (also called bottom space)? Some people have different definitions for it, but I like to think of it as an absolute euphoric state that someone, usually a sub, falls into during a scene of some sort. It's almost like an outer body experience of sorts. Of course, there are some better definitions. In the book Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, it's described as: "A type of erotically altered consciousness identified with feelings of falling into a state of submission. Generally, bottom- or sub-space may be characterized by, diminished ego awareness, less active cognitive behavior, surrendering of will, and/or inability to verbalize. Frequently these functions are assumed by the dominant partner who becomes the submissive's center of focus." That's pretty damn accurate, in my opinion. I was completely unable to talk, I was just a whimpering mess. It's a feeling of full on, fantastic submission. When I felt it, it's like there's no one in the world but me and my husband. There's nothing else to focus on; everything is just feeling. I honestly couldn't tell you what I was doing with my body, or anything he was doing with me, other than sex. It was just a huge confusion of feeling and sensation. I don't even have anything to compare it to.
I've only experienced it two times during fairly intense play, for me. What do I mean by "for me"? Well, I don't generally dabble into some of the extreme ends of the BDSM spectrum. So, while some people may think of "intense" as a suspension scene, or some kind of bondage scene that lasts several hours, or even acting as human furniture, "intense" for me is generally being spanked harder than normal. That's not to say that I have problems with any of the things mentioned. Believe me, I find the idea of human furniture VERY sexy.
So, what happened? What did it feel like? Well, I'm going to tell you, if you'd stop interrupting with all these questions. The first time I felt sub-space, I had no idea what was going on, but I loved it. My husband and I were having sex doggy style. I was feeling a little uncomfortable and started to scoot into a better position. At this point, he wrapped his hand around my neck, pulled me back so I was leaning against his chest, and whispered, "You don't get to leave" in my ear. BAM! I was gone. I have no idea how to describe what I felt other than saying I was a complete mess of feeling and sensation. There was no talking from me, just primal grunts and moans. Everything just blurred by in absolute pleasure. My husband continued to have amazing animalistic sex with me. It was just orgasm after orgasm... amazing!
The second time was very similar. We were having sex doggy style again, but this time, out of no where he slapped my ass harder than he's ever slapped it before. It was crazy, because he's slapped my ass before. Almost every time we have doggy style sex, I get a smack on my back end. We've used floggers, paddles, and riding crops, but none of those have ever launched me into this lovely state of being. Somehow, just this one smack out of nowhere during wild, hot sex sent me over the edge. Everything was just love, sweat, passion, and a random spanking. Then once again, there was a BAM! This time I was a drooling mess. I fell face first onto the bed; somehow, at the same moment my brain was drifting to this beautiful, happy place, and I had squirted everywhere.
Afterwards, he asked me what happened, so I described sub-space to him, much like I'm doing for you now. He's more vanilla than kinky though, so it took a good twenty minutes to get him to understand why I was convulsing around on the bed. It also didn't help that while it was happening, I was in this beautiful, wonderful head-space. I couldn't even talk to him to tell him what the heck I was feeling. He understands now, but not completely. I don't think you can really understand sub-space until you've felt it. It's just an amazing and wonderful feeling of weightlessness, love, and total submission. I wish I could tell you exactly how to get there, and how you know it's coming, but honestly I can't. I have no idea. You just have to be in the moment. Then, there's that beautiful BAM!
First off, what the heck is sub-space (also called bottom space)? Some people have different definitions for it, but I like to think of it as an absolute euphoric state that someone, usually a sub, falls into during a scene of some sort. It's almost like an outer body experience of sorts. Of course, there are some better definitions. In the book Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, it's described as: "A type of erotically altered consciousness identified with feelings of falling into a state of submission. Generally, bottom- or sub-space may be characterized by, diminished ego awareness, less active cognitive behavior, surrendering of will, and/or inability to verbalize. Frequently these functions are assumed by the dominant partner who becomes the submissive's center of focus." That's pretty damn accurate, in my opinion. I was completely unable to talk, I was just a whimpering mess. It's a feeling of full on, fantastic submission. When I felt it, it's like there's no one in the world but me and my husband. There's nothing else to focus on; everything is just feeling. I honestly couldn't tell you what I was doing with my body, or anything he was doing with me, other than sex. It was just a huge confusion of feeling and sensation. I don't even have anything to compare it to.
I've only experienced it two times during fairly intense play, for me. What do I mean by "for me"? Well, I don't generally dabble into some of the extreme ends of the BDSM spectrum. So, while some people may think of "intense" as a suspension scene, or some kind of bondage scene that lasts several hours, or even acting as human furniture, "intense" for me is generally being spanked harder than normal. That's not to say that I have problems with any of the things mentioned. Believe me, I find the idea of human furniture VERY sexy.
So, what happened? What did it feel like? Well, I'm going to tell you, if you'd stop interrupting with all these questions. The first time I felt sub-space, I had no idea what was going on, but I loved it. My husband and I were having sex doggy style. I was feeling a little uncomfortable and started to scoot into a better position. At this point, he wrapped his hand around my neck, pulled me back so I was leaning against his chest, and whispered, "You don't get to leave" in my ear. BAM! I was gone. I have no idea how to describe what I felt other than saying I was a complete mess of feeling and sensation. There was no talking from me, just primal grunts and moans. Everything just blurred by in absolute pleasure. My husband continued to have amazing animalistic sex with me. It was just orgasm after orgasm... amazing!
The second time was very similar. We were having sex doggy style again, but this time, out of no where he slapped my ass harder than he's ever slapped it before. It was crazy, because he's slapped my ass before. Almost every time we have doggy style sex, I get a smack on my back end. We've used floggers, paddles, and riding crops, but none of those have ever launched me into this lovely state of being. Somehow, just this one smack out of nowhere during wild, hot sex sent me over the edge. Everything was just love, sweat, passion, and a random spanking. Then once again, there was a BAM! This time I was a drooling mess. I fell face first onto the bed; somehow, at the same moment my brain was drifting to this beautiful, happy place, and I had squirted everywhere.
Afterwards, he asked me what happened, so I described sub-space to him, much like I'm doing for you now. He's more vanilla than kinky though, so it took a good twenty minutes to get him to understand why I was convulsing around on the bed. It also didn't help that while it was happening, I was in this beautiful, wonderful head-space. I couldn't even talk to him to tell him what the heck I was feeling. He understands now, but not completely. I don't think you can really understand sub-space until you've felt it. It's just an amazing and wonderful feeling of weightlessness, love, and total submission. I wish I could tell you exactly how to get there, and how you know it's coming, but honestly I can't. I have no idea. You just have to be in the moment. Then, there's that beautiful BAM!
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