Mind Kink: Exploring Consensual Non-Consensual

The first step towards having a safe and positively stimulating C.N.C. scene is knowing the basics of what is going to happen in advance. This can go a long way for helping both partners stay calm. Understanding that at approximately what time the role-playing scene will occur can help an enjoyable sexual encounter stay that way. Having a safe-word or phrase in case it all becomes too much, too. A safe-word is a word or phrase most often used in B.D.S.M. relationships to indicate that the scene should stop, here it’s used much the same. Knowing your limits is important. If it feels like it’s too much and you're having trouble not panicking, it is okay to call it quits. Also remembering that C.N.C. is about passion, not violence, can keep you from panicking. The same frame of mind can keep your partner from causing any unwanted physical or mental harm to you. Sharing a few tender and caring touches or glances throughout the experience can be very reassuring to both parties that the encounter is both consensual and desired. And finally stay in the moment, live out your fantasy, and enjoy the moment.

In order to stay safe, try to stay away from any sharp or blunt objects or furniture that might cause you or partner harm. Should you choose to use a gag make sure it’s relatively soft and fits your partner’s mouth well. A solid piece of cloth that is sure not to go down your partner’s throat or a rubber ball that they can't hurt their jaws or break any teeth is advisable. If your partner’s gagged, then be sure they can move or give some indication should they wish to stop the scene instead of using a safe-word. If you're using bindings make sure they aren't too tight or going to cause strains, cutting, or bruises in the case of knots from rope. Remember the idea behind this kind of role-play is not violence but the enjoyment of exploring a fantasy.

Taking care of each other after having such a physically and emotionally intensive role-playing scene is of the utmost importance. Spend some time afterwards cuddling or just lying together. This gentleness of simply being together can help ease any tension or fear that may remain. Ask one another if they're okay and mean it. Rub lotion into any areas that may be sore or stiff. Show you care for your partner’s physical wellbeing. Talk to each other, sometimes discussing other topics outside of the (hopefully) awesome sex you just experienced can help you move with your partner. Also, NEVER attempt to use the shared experience against your partner in a negative fashion. This can lead to a serious downfall in your relationship.

So now that you know the “how to” of C.N.C. the question becomes: “What to do?” Here are some simple ideas for your role-playing fun. First try the burglar fantasy, it’s obviously a classic. If that doesn't fit you and your partner’s style instead try repaying a plumber or cable man for his work by reluctantly performing sexual favors. Let your partner play a complete stranger, sneaking up on you as you come into the house or in the shower. To make things a bit spicier play a naughty prisoner and let your lover be the cop or prison guard there to keep you in line. A fake kidnapping in which your partner takes you to a hotel room can be fun and also introduce a new locale into your sex life. And if none of this seems to work for you try a more classic version of a simple slave scene.

With the right mind set C.N.C. can be a very sexy way to spice up your sex life. It can heighten the experience and sometimes helps a couple grow closer together through the experience. We can chase and relish in our fantasies becoming a reality using this form of role-play.