You should start figuring out your limits fairly early on once you realize you are into BDSM. You should not wait until you become involved in a relationship before you start thinking about limits. If you do that, you may stumble upon a limit and not know how to handle it. However, finding limits can be a difficult process because there are many activities out there that people enjoy that you may never have heard of. Here is a list of things that you should do when you start thinking about what your limits are:

1. Include everything, even things you think should be obvious
If you can imagine it, there's someone out there who's into it. So just because you think your limit should be obvious doesn't mean they are. This includes things like watersports, things that involve real harm, and even things that might be illegal. You may not think anyone would be into those things, but you don't want to leave it off and then get into a relationship with someone and find out that it's a kink they can't live without.

2. Start by thinking about what you don't like when it comes to vanilla sex
Are there things about regular sex you don't like? Include those in your limits too, because they will probably come up even in a D/s relationship. These could include things like not having your neck kissed or being grossed out by the thought of swallowing.

3. Differentiate between hard and soft limits
A soft limit is something that would upset you if someone did it to you, but it probably wouldn't be a deal breaker and in the future you might even be willing to explore. Typically hard limits should be things that you 100 percent, either physically or mentally/emotionally, can not handle. Making a clear distinction between the two will help when you are trying to decide if you are compatible with someone else kink-wise.

4. Find a BDSM checklist
This will help you by giving you an idea about what different kinks are out there. Of course every kink won't be on there, but it will give you a fairly comprehensive list. You should fill one out for yourself and then each time you begin a new relationship, you and your partner should both fill out a new one.

5. Realize that limits are a fluid thing
Just because something might be a limit today doesn't mean it will be a limit a year from now. As you gain trust in your partner, you may be open to new things. That's why you should discuss limits more than once. That doesn't mean you need to sit down every 6 months and discuss limits even if you haven't changed any. But if you begin to feel differently about something, let your partner know.

6. Consider making a list of things you need as well
Needs are just important as limits. If you are a masochist and need pain, let your partner know that. Your needs can't be fulfilled if you don't communicate them.

7. Limits don't need to be discussed on the first date
You don't want to scare a potential partner away by giving them a big long list of things they're not allowed to do to you on the first date. Get to know each other as people first. If your personalities don't mesh, you may never get to the playing stage anyway. Once you reach the point that you're considering playing with them, then it's time to discuss limits.

I hope after reading this article you feel more informed about the concept of limits. Even if you decide some of the advice is not for you, I hope you learned something new.