If you are new to BDSM, you are probably frantically searching the internet trying to find anything you can that will help you learn about your new-found desires. One of the most important things that you should know is that you should take any absolute statement with a grain of salt. There may be people that agree with it, but disagreeing with it does not mean you're not "real" or "true." Here are some of the most common myths that "true" dominants and submissives love to perpetuate and use to make newbies feel bad about themselves.

1. "Submissives shouldn't have any limits"
This is something that every submissive has probably heard at least once, if not more. It is blatantly not true. Everyone has limits. It's a fact of life. Would you let your dom chop your arm off? If not, well that's a limit. What people really mean when they say they have no limits is that all the limits they have are shared by their dom.

2. "A Dom must be a submissive before he can dominate someone"
While this may have been true back when the BDSM community was more structured, this is no longer true. In fact, many submissives would not want a dominant that has ever been a submissive, myself included. Plus, just because a Dom has been on the other side of the whip so to speak, does not mean he will understand his submissive any more. Everyone will react differently to things, which is why "a dominant should try and implement on himself before he uses it on his sub" also is not true. Just because he can take being hit with a singletail does not mean his sub can handle it.

3. "All submissives must be bisexual"
This is probably one of the most ridiculous ones I've ever heard, but unfortunately a lot of newbies fall for it. Being submissive has nothing to do with your sexual orientation and just because you don't want to be with another woman (or a man if you are a male submissive) does not mean you can not be submissive. There are people who are into forced homosexuality, but that is something that they consent to because they want to do it.

4. "Dominants can't love their submissives"
A lot of player doms use this so they can have D/s relationships without any sort of involvement, but it is not true. It is completely possible for a dominant to love his/her submissive and still be dominant over them. Now there are some dominants out there that can't dominate someone that they love, but being in a loveless relationship is not required just because you are submissive.

5. "All Dommes are just subs who haven't found the right dominant"
Many men can't wrap their heads around the fact that some women are dominants. It's just like the men who think lesbians are women who haven't found the right man yet. This is completely not true and there is nothing wrong with a female wanting to be the dominant one in her relationship.