Better Than Reality TV
Porn.
Now, if you are a woman, this word may evoke a variety of feelings and emotions. Maybe you are like about half of the women I have interviewed and love watching porn: you think it’s sexy and fun and can’t get enough of it. Or maybe you are like the other half of my female interviewees: the thought of watching porn makes your stomach turn and your insecurities flare up like herpes, and you’d rather scrub the toilet while on your period wearing stilettos and a corset three sizes too small than sit through a porno.
The subject of porn within the relationship is an age-old issue among the sexes, and while some couples are duking it out over the prospect of watching porn together, some women are embracing it, realizing that it can be used to enhance their sexual experiences, not replace them, and finding that it really spices things up in the bedroom.
“I’m all for porn,” says Crystal, a 31-year-old married mother of two. “It usually makes the action in the bedroom better.” And mother of one, Sandra says “it helps me get in the mood.” Kelly, a married mother of three, takes it one step further. “Watching porn with my husband makes me feel liberated and sexy, and it gives us tons of ideas, positions, etc. to try to keep things interesting in our sex life. We often have limited time to get in the mood and get it on because of our kids, so watching a little bit of porn gets us both ready and tearing each others’ clothes off.”
REASONS WHY MOMS MIGHT LOVE THE PORN
1. It helps to scrub the images of Dora the Explorer off your brain so we stop singing “We did it, we did it, we did it, YEAH!” after a lovemaking session.
2. It’s not just for guys anymore—women make porn, too, like Candida Royalle or Tristan Taormino, for starters.
3. It’s a helluva lot more interesting than the 524 reality shows that have polluted the cable airways.
4. Why should the guys get to have all the porn fun?
5. It gives us ideas for new positions, tricks, and even lingerie. Since there isn’t a lot of inspiration on Noggin for those sorts of things.
Cum Shots Just Ain’t Sexy To Me
So now your next question may be, “Petra, how do YOU feel about porn?” Which is a fair question. And I’m going to be completely open and honest with you—I pretty much hate it. It makes me feel squeamish and uncomfortable, and all I can think when I am watching it is that my natural “mommy” body and less than outstanding flexibility doesn’t compare to the surgically-engineered wonder sluts on the screen. And is it just me or are all the men in pornos really unattractive? I mean, can’t we get a good Robert Pattinson or McDreamy look-alike cast in some of these puppies? And don’t get me started on the extreme vaginal close-ups and cum shots in the face. Ew.
And a lot of moms agree with me. “Why do I want to watch some big breasted bimbo turn my husband on?” says Laura. “Like I don’t feel insecure enough with my stretch marks and saggy boobs.” This seems to be a popular mindset when it comes to porn and women. Instead of porn making them feel sexier and turned on, instead it amplifies their insecurities and makes them feel like they are competing for their partner’s affections with something completely unrealistic. Sara claims that watching porn with her husband makes her feel like she is not “good enough” for her husband. “My husband watching porn to turn him on before having sex with me makes me feel like I don’t do it for him anymore and he needs to think about other women to get him going. That makes me feel like crap and not turned on AT ALL.”
REASONS WHY MOMS MIGHT HATE THE PORN
1. It degrades women and perpetuates society’s obsession with the unrealistic expectations of women to have perfect bodies, big tits and huge, bee stung lips.
2. It’s icky.
3. It leaves nothing to the imagination.
4. If we wanted to see gratuitous close-ups of swollen, hairless genitalia, we’d have pursued a career in animal husbandry.
5. Watching porn is like cheating on your partner, because when you’re in a committed relationship, neither party should ever have cause to see the genitals of another human being ever, especially for sexual or masturbatory purposes. And if he needs to jack it that badly, he should be thinking about us, anyway.
It’s no Twilight, But What the Hell?
I must admit that, for a long time, I actually agreed with # 5. I’m not proud of it, but there it is. It is only recently that I have begun to understand that men in general are very visual creatures, and just because my husband married me, it doesn’t mean that he’s not going to be turned on by women other than myself. And that does not mean that he isn’t still turned on by me or that he’s going to go out and try to have sex with other women. My husband enjoys watching porn because it’s just another form of scintillating entertainment and it makes him want me more. And I love my husband and want to share with him the sexual activities that he enjoys. So I have made the executive decision to watch it with him, even though I am not crazy about it. But you know what I am crazy about? How much it gets him going and the resulting wild, passionate lovemaking that it inspires. Hey, he is willing to watch Twilight with me, so the least I can do is watch a little softcore porn with him. Marriage is all about compromise, right? And not just about what color to paint the walls in the kitchen.
Coming to terms with the fact that my husband watching porn doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want me has made me more comfortable with it and willing to give it a shot. I may never love watching porn, and it is certainly not something I want to do every Saturday night. But by being open minded about it and trying to find ones that we can enjoy together, I feel like I am doing my part in creating the sex life we both can’t get enough of--and that makes him run home from work in anticipation of what might be in store. To me, that makes it all worth it.
REASONS WHY WOMEN MIGHT, AT THE VERY LEAST, LEARN TO CO-EXIST WITH THE PORN
1. It’s cheaper and less likely to destroy your family than crack.
2. We get a whole lot more out of it than watching him watch sports and listening to him talk about Red Sox trade options. Cause, you know, at least we get laid afterwards.
3. It’s entertaining to make fun of the bad acting and unrealistic scenarios in the cheeseball, B-rate movies.
4. It might give him some ideas that end up blowing your mind in the sack.
5. He’ll owe you big time. And I’m not talking about that brand-new Victor Martinez Red Sox jersey, either.
It’s OK to Just Say No, But I Say Maybe
Now, I am not saying here that every woman should sacrifice her delicate sensitivities and force herself to sit through Meatholes, Part 7 while resisting the urge to run out of the room, take a shower and then go to confession. Cause, well, what’s sexy about that? It’s OK to not like porn, and it doesn’t mean that you are a prude or anti-sex. But the fact of the matter is, your partner may, indeed, like it, whether you do or not. Whether or not you decide to share in that with him is your choice. But a lot of women are finding that, once they gave it a chance, they enjoyed it as well. Some moms feel that porn offers something invaluable—an activity that turns a stressful day of parenting into the stuff of wet dreams. As for me, I’m not quite there yet, but I am working on it, because I decided that it was worth giving it a chance to possibly open up another way to share sex with my husband. This is an experiment of sorts, and don’t get me wrong, ask me in a few months and I may tell you that I still dislike porn just as much as I did from Day One. But something tells me that that is unlikely. Because I like sex and watching porn with my husband makes for good sex. Nuff said.
Plus, I want him to go see the new Twilight movie with me in November, so I have to build up all the good will I can.