The closest I’ve come to making a sex tape so far has been letting an ex take a photo of me while I was in the middle of giving him a blowjob. We didn’t plan it, and I didn’t pose. I had my eyes closed and all of a sudden the flash went off. It was hot to me precisely because it was unexpected. I liked the idea of him looking at it later, remembering what it felt like, and jerking off.

Lately, sex tapes are in the news again, with Vivid Entertainment having been approached with a request to buy all rights to reality TV star and new bride Kim Kardashian’s foray into x-rated video with her ex, Ray J (in order to block it from being viewed further), and ahotel offering guests free service if they agree to film their escapades and broadcast them online (FYI, I’m aware that the Kardashian family gets a disproportionate number of mentions in my columns; make of that what you will).

Now, I love hotel rooms, and would do a lot for a free one, but I don’t think I’d offer up my naked body mid-coitus for one. In part, that’s because one of the things I like most about hotel sex is the privacy of it. You could be anyone checking in, and you’re surrounded by strangers. Even if you do exactly the same things in a hotel room that you’d do in your own bedroom, they feel different, somehow, in a hotel. Something about permanently archiving them would, to me, ruin a little bit of the magic.

I think, as a culture, these tapes fascinate us because they aren’t something that’s only the province of the pros or celebs. You can make your own, on your cell phone or with a digital camera. Part of their appeal, whether famous, infamous or unknown, is that they offer something different from professionally shot flicks. Of course we’d want to watch other people doing something that’s still considered “private,” to get a glimpse into someone’s “secret” life, which is also the reason, I imagine, that people like to make them.

I’m way more of a voyeur than I am an exhibitionist, and if I wanted to watch a lover, I’d prefer to see them with someone else, live, than watch myself on film, or them jerking off for the camera and telling me all sorts of dirty things that would highlight our shared special moments. I don’t think I’d want to watch myself on camera because there are so many things that could go wrong, and a lot of very hot sex in the moment may not look so great on camera, especially to an untrained cameraperson.

I like the idea of making a sex tape a lot more than what I imagine would be the reality. That’s not to say I’d never do it, but I would want to have control of the tape if I did. To me, still photography is often so much more beautiful than moving images, sexual or not. There’s something about a single moment captured in time, about the fact that no matter how much it shows, it is still showing only that individual moment, leaving the viewer to wonder what happened before and what will happen after.

Many of my favorite erotic photos are ones where there’s a hint of mystery; maybe it’s a woman about to remove a piece of clothing, or a close-up of a bruise or welt, or someone wearing a collar, or someone on their knees. Whatever it is, there’s a part that my erotic imagination can fill in. With sex tapes, there’s less to fill in. You hear the participants, and you probably see the session through to completion. It’s kind of like when you have a super-hot fantasy and then try to act it out in real life and it’s totally disappointing, which, for me, can often kill the fantasy entirely. That’s what I imagine deliberately making a sex tape would be like.

I also think a lot should be said for nudity and the tease, rather than just “sex tapes.” When I did a boudoir photos shoot, I loved vamping for the camera, and lots of women do these sexy shoots in order to present their lover with a unique (and often surprise) gift. You could pose wearing his favorite shirt, unbuttoned, or draped in her jewelry and boots and nothing else. And while I don’t want to see strangers’ cocks in my inbox (really, truly, I don’t, ever), having someone I’m hot for send me a photo of them during or right after masturbating is both hot and touching.

I once gave the same boyfriend who took my mid-BJ photo a pair of underwear, just because I thought they were sexy and that he’d look good in them. If he’d sent me a photo of his bulge inside them, I’d most likely have sent him something risqué back. So maybe I’m not a sex tape kind of girl, but more a sexting my boobs kind of girl. That way I can be a control freak and still offer up a very personal kind of porn.

Going back to Kim Kardashian, because everything seems to, those who criticize her for her tape or its catapulting her to fame should look in their own closets—or DVD players (or VHS players, if you still have one). Scandals relating to naked photos or videos could happen to anyone who takes them, and while that’s something to be cautious about, and carefully consider who you make a tape with, once you’ve done it, don’t be ashamed of it. If you use your own camera, you can try it out and delete it if you don’t like it. I doubt I’ll be making one anytime soon, but I never say never.

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What about you? Would you, or have you made a sex tape? What would it take to get you to agree to make one? Join us on the EdenFantasys forum and let us know!