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Unfortunately, for many gals, like Carol here, her man’s oral skills simply aren’t up to the task.

I like oral sex, but my new BF doesn’t know what he’s doing down there. He’s really sweet and I like him a lot. Unfortunately, he thinks he this really great lover when actually he sucks…and not in a good way. I know he reads your column, he was the one that turned me on to your site, so could you give him some pointers on how to orally pleasure a woman? He doesn’t listen to me.

Now, despite being a big fat homo, I am regularly quizzed on the art of muff diving. I’m always happy to oblige, but I’m bound to say that everything I know about cunnilingus I’ve learned from my lesbian friends. Instead of me—who has no pussy—pontificating on the joys of orally pleasuring a woman, I turn to my #1 friend of the lesbian persuasion, Joy. Not only does she have her very own pussy, she also knows her way around other pussies as well.

I shared Carol’s letter with her, and asked for her thoughts. I figure, if you wanna learn how to do something right, ya talk to a pro. Simply put, no one sucks cock as good as a queer; no one gobbles clam like a dyke. Enough said! Joy’s first comment was…and I quote, “What’s this chick doin’ with a dude? If she wants good head, she should bed a dyke. Once you go lezzie, you never go back.” Ahhh, Joy is such a joy!

Okay, so giving oral is about the most perfect sexual thing you can do for a woman. It makes her feel special. What woman doesn’t groove on knowin’ her partner finds her finger-lickin’ good? And maybe that’s a good place to start this tutorial. If you don’t like the taste or smell of pussy, give up on the idea that you’ll be a fabulous lover. However, if you want to give this whole muff diving thing a try, but you don’t know if you can handle the flavor or aroma, or if your chick’s unsure about you being down there, thinking she might be unsavory; you could start off by showering or bathing together.

The novice pussy lapper would do well to approach this amazing piece of human anatomy very gently…at first. If the woman you’re eatin’ out wants more vigorous attention, she will ask for it. So relax and enjoy! (Note: If all this licking and sucking isn’t a turn on for you, it won’t be much of a pleasure for your partner, either. So, if your heart’s not in it, you will have to find other ways to please her.)

Don’t make the mistake that Carol’s boyfriend makes. Listen to the feedback you’re getting on the job you’re doing. If you’re not getting any, ask for it. (Just don’t talk with your mouth full.) Once you hit on something that works for your gal, stick with it for a while—unless of course, you’re trying to drive her wild with some tongue teasing.

Joy says that the biggest no-no in pussy divin’ is divin’ in without knowing your way around. Like I always say, ladies, it’s completely up to you to introduce your partner to your particular pussy. Remember: Just because he’s been with other women, don’t make him an expert on your parts. Get it? Got it? GOOD!

Finding just the right position will eliminate the fatigue factor and neck strain. Have her lie across the bed (or the sofa, kitchen table, whatnot shelf) with her ass situated just at the edge. With her legs apart, knees up and her feet resting on the edge of the bed/table/whatever, take a comfortable position on the floor between her legs. Here’s a tip: The more muscle control she has to exert to maintain her position and balance will often lead to a stronger, more pleasurable and intense orgasm, because a thunderous orgasm is all about muscle tension.

Joy insists that a soft tongue and a relaxed jaw work best. And holy cow, she knows of what she speaks. She always starts out licking her pal from vaginal entrance up to her clit. She follows the outer edges of her pussy along both sides. Slowly at first, then more rapidly. Sometimes she’ll even throw in some raspberries. You know, the vibrating sound you make when you force breath through lightly closed lips. Joy stands by this technique, don’t cha know! Sounds like so much fun, I kinda’ wish I had me a pussy.

Don’t let your hands be idle when you’re eating out at the Y. Gently press the two outer vaginal lips together, then run your tongue between the inner and outer labia one side at a time. Try poking your tongue into her vagina. The majority of a woman’s vaginal nerve endings are around the opening and within the first couple of inner inches. Target them with a darting tongue motion. Insert a hardened tongue into her hole. Try moving your tongue in and out, as well as in circles around the inside of her opening.

Spread her outer vaginal lips with your fingers. With your tongue pointed, gently flick your tongue around her clit. Feel free to roam around in there, but keep coming back to her clit, because it is the most sensitive area—just like your dick head, you dickhead! Be careful though: some women find the direct approach too intense. If this is the case with your woman, blow a stream of warm breath over and around the clit. This lighter, breathy touch might do the trick.

Keep your tongue and hands busy flicking and massaging, poking and prodding lapping and kneading. In other words, find out what she likes and how she likes it, and let her have it just that way. Again, be sure to ask for feedback—and then do precisely what she says.

Once your partner is good and hot and juicy wet, Joy suggests you kick things up a notch. Spread her lips, expose her clit and give it a quick little suck. If this hits the spot, you might want to lightly pull back her clitoral hood and repeat the quick sucking motion. Joy assures me that this feels incredible, and it’s just the thing to do if you feel like driving your partner crazy with ecstasy. Now take her exposed clit into your mouth and gently suck on it, simultaneously flicking your tongue over and around it. This combined with fingering her hole will usually produce a stunning orgasm.

Finally, Joy suggests you surprise the little woman by having a mint or an ice chip in your mouth while you eat her out. These can create a very intense tingling sensation and will enhance your performance—and her pleasure—immeasurably.

Good luck!

And now, sex fans, the pièce de résistance of my male masturbation series. All of you folks out there who don’t have a penis—but know someone who does—join Jenna as I explain the fine art of a partnered handjob.

Dr. Dick,
My husband of four years has an exceptionally large penis. He likes nothing better than for me to rub him to climax. We have intercourse and we do oral on each other and he likes that just fine; he just prefers to watch me use my hands on him. Do you think that’s odd? Also, I don’t have a lot of experience in this area, so any pointers would be greatly appreciated.

There’s nothing wrong; he just loves a good old-fashioned wank! Here’s the deal with many of us guys: we first become acquainted with the pleasure our cock can offer through touching ourselves, and when it comes right down to it, there is rarely a mouth, pussy or ass that can compete with the variety of stroke and firmness of grip a hand can provide. Simply stated, the humble handjob, if done right, can be the ideal way to pleasure your man. Just remember, even though jerkin’ your guy off isn’t particularly exotic, as far as sex acts go, it never has to be boring—for him or you.

I am of the mind that a brilliant wank begins with a first-class lube. Many guys swear by silicone-based lubes for this purpose, but a handjob connoisseur like your hubby will probably have his own favorite. Start off with just enough to make things slick; you don’t want to overdo it. Get a feel for his johnson, and what you have to work with. Skillfully draw back the skin toward the root of his dick ’til it’s taut. This is much easier to do on uncut men, but even cut men will have some skin left to move.

While you’re doing this, feel free to “oooh” and “ahhh” a lot. This is a perfect time to marvel at the work of art before you. For, as we all know, a hard man is good to find. Your man will get off on you admiring his unit.

You say that your man is hung. Lucky you! Can you wrap your fingers around the base and get a good grip there? If not, you’ll want to consider a cockring for this purpose. In fact, if you use a cockring, you’ll free up both hands for what’s to come.


Now that you’ve got a nice boner going, get between his legs. Take his cock between the palms of your hands, interlock your fingers and guide your hands up and down his shaft. Your thumbs should be on the underside of his dick, so that on each stroke up and down, you hit his frenulum with the pads of your thumb. With his cock still between your palms, rub your hands together, like as if you’re warming them. This will provide great new sensations for him.

Hold his cock in one hand and with the well-lubed palm of your other hand, slowly move it in nice lazy circles all over his dickhead. This is a particularly delicate procedure, especially if your man is uncut. Once he’s fully aroused, his dickhead will be super-sensitive, and if you’re using a cockring, his pecker will be even more engorged than usual, making it hypersensitive. Be sure to ask for feedback on this move. If he finds this too uncomfortable, move on to something more pleasurable. Most guys will already be giving directions on what to do and how, so all you have to do is follow his lead. Remember, he knows his way around his joint better than anyone.

Don’t forget to service his testicles. Since a guy’s jewels are less sensitive to touch than his dickhead, you can handle them a bit more. Squeeze and tug and even gently slap them to your heart’s delight. While you’re doing that, and with his dick flat against his belly, shimmy the heel of your hand up and down the underside of his cock. You see how you are incorporating different sensations and movements all at the same time? Keep this up and he’ll be putty in your hands.

Interlace your fingers and make a tight passageway through the palms of your hands. Pump up and down his shaft this way. As you get to the top of his cock, close the passageway even tighter. Then make him squeeze his way in as you slide back down to the bottom. Then with one hand rapidly following the other in only a downward stroke, make like a perpetual penetration tunnel. This will make his eyes roll back in ecstasy.

Now would be a good time to incorporate other parts of your body. Most men get off on a titty-fuck. Cozy his cock between your boobs and have him hump away. You could also use your feet in the same fashion.

Go back to rhythmically stroking him. Watch as his dickhead swells and turns red or even purple. Use your fingertips on the tip of his dick like you’re turning a doorknob—to the right, then to the left. Slowly increase the pressure ’til he begs you to stop. Now you have him right where you want him.

Now things get really interesting. When he’s least expecting it, move one of your hands down past his balls and taint. Once past his taint, you’ll find his rosebud. With a well-lubed finger, massage his pucker.

If this is virgin territory for you and the hubby, he’s in for the thrill of his life. Continue to stroke his cock and asshole. Don’t be afraid to try and push your fingertip past his sphincter. If he lets you inside, you’ll have access to his prostate. But even if he doesn’t, massaging the outside of his hole will bring him very close to an explosive conclusion.

If you’re ready to finish him off, pick up the pace of your stroking. He’ll be breathing heavily now and he’ll look down over his chest at the miracle happening between his legs. Tell him to throw his legs in the air and spread them as far apart as possible. This will add considerably to the muscle tension that you’ve already built up. And a thunderous orgasm is all about muscle tension.

Now bring this puppy home. Lick his balls, finger his hole and beat his meat like it owes you money. Insist that he keeps his feet in he air and his legs splayed. Momentarily, he will begin to quake with building mini-orgasms. He will no doubt try to buck himself to conclusion, but don’t let him. For the moment you’re in charge down here, not him. Tease him one last time as he nears ejaculation. When he’s almost there, suddenly stop what you’re doing. This will, of course, drive him crazy. And don’t resume stroking ’til he begs for it.

It’ll probably only take a few more strokes before he gives it up. Keep your face—or at least your eyes—out of the way, because when he finally blows, it will be explosive. If you’ve toyed with him for any length of time, you’ll have built up quite a load and it’ll shoot in spurts ’til he’s empty.

His cock will be hypersensitive after he comes, so be gentle.

Good luck!

Here we have 28-year-old Marcos from NYC:

I may have premature ejaculation, meaning after I’m excited, I can’t hold it in (ejaculation) for more than a couple of minutes, which worries me regarding the pleasure I can provide... Suggestions, other than the eventual doctor visit?

The curious thing about premature ejaculation is that what constitutes “premature” is pretty subjective. Some men report that they can only last a minute or two, others say they can last only 15 minutes, but all consider themselves as premature ejaculators. I’m not trying to suggest that PE is a figment of one’s imagination. On the contrary; any guy who isn’t satisfied with the control he has or doesn’t have over his ejaculation may fall into this general category. In the same way, lasting longer, whatever “longer” might mean, is a relatively easy thing to accomplish. All you have to do is work at prolonging the pleasure.

Let’s start with how you masturbate, Marcos. If I had to guess, these sessions are speedy little affairs, right? A quick wank just to relieve sexual tension is a good thing, but if that’s all the self-pleasuring you do, it will interfere with your partnered pleasure later. Look at it this way: If your body is sensitized to coming quickly while masturbating, then that’s how it’ll respond with a partner.

I suggest that you reevaluate your self-pleasuring activities. Most, if not all of your masturbation should be dedicated to full-body masturbation. The object is to play with the sexual tension that develops in self-pleasuring, and to delay the your ejaculation for as long as you can.

As you become turned on you, build up sexual tension. Move the sexual energy all over your body as you stroke your cock. Touch and pleasure your whole body — feet, nipples, asshole, etc. Make the pleasure last as long as you can. As you approach the point of ejaculation, stop stroking yourself and concentrate your play on the other parts of your body. When the urge to come subsides, you can start stroking your dick again. Repeat the process ’til you can last 30 minutes. (By the way, some people refer to this as edging or edge play — coming to the edge of coming and then backing away. Get it? Got it? Good!)

The purpose of this exercise, besides the joy of getting off on your whole body, is to teach your body a different way to respond to cock stimulation. If you practice this method conscientiously, it will increase your sexual stamina both alone, and when you’re with a partner, too. Spread the sexual energy around. Concentrate on stalling your orgasm through the techniques you learned in your self-pleasuring. If you’re getting close to coming, pull out until you regain control; then resume. This will take some practice, but it’s worth the effort.

One final thing: If you’re concerned about the amount of pleasure you can provide, short fuse or not, I always encourage the men I work with in my private practice to look to pleasuring their partners before they even get warmed up themselves. But even after you come, you still have a mouth and hands and fingers with which to pleasure your partner, so there’s never an excuse to leave a partner unsatisfied, regardless of your own sexual response cycle.

Those of you who know me know that I am a fierce advocate of masturbation. I contend that self-pleasuring is the foundation of a happy, healthy sex life for both women and men. I’m also a proponent of couples masturbating together. The mutual joys and the important information shared in this way are indispensable.

But masturbation can be a double-edged sword, so to speak. I say this because most of us guys learn to pull our pud early in life—and most of us discover how to do this on our own. This freelance sexual investigation can, and often does, produce some very unique, and even downright strange, styles of self-pleasuring. And there in lies the rub, no pun intended. Some masturbation techniques, pleasurable though they might be, do not lend themselves to partnered sex. And so, over the course of the next several weeks, we’re going to take a, well, hard look at male masturbation—from right to wrong, and everything in between.