A bit less than two years ago, I wrote an article about Kegel exercising and how various women were incorporating pelvic floor conditioning into their daily lives (Vagina of Steel). In addition to introducing us to urban legends about snapped dicks, and revealing that tedious business meetings are the perfect time for basic Kegels, the interviews for that story produced one of my all-time favorite quotes: “I can barely motivate enough to get my butt to the gym. The last thing I’m interested in is P90X for my vagina,” said Genevieve when asked about ben-wa balls.

It’s a funny line, and the sentiment is understandable. That said, May was let’s-get-swimsuit-ready month at the Johnson house, and Susan decided, “If I’m going to lift the weights and climb the StairMaster, my pussy deserves a regimen, too – I’m gonna make all my parts tight!”

To that end, we planned a healthy menu, devised an exercise routine, and selected four vaginal trainers: the Smartballs Teneo Uno and Duo, SinFive Emigi, and Je Joue’s Ami three-piece set, because Susan believes Genevieve doesn’t know what she’s missing. “If anything, the exercisers make me more likely to complete my Kegels. Plus, unlike going to the gym, which I basically have to get done early in the morning,” Susan says, “I can do my ‘cunt-isthenics’ anytime and anywhere, and I really mean anytime and anywhere … you never know, I might be squeezing one of the Teneos right now!”

Ah, that’s where Susan’s not being completely forthcoming. I always know, because anytime she is using one, she’s automatically a little more frisky. “Fine! You caught me,” she laughs. “It’s like a constant turn on for me. I know it’s real exercise, and that part of it is a serious endeavor, but at the same time, there’s a toy inside me – while I’m grocery shopping, in a meeting, at a bar, whatever – and so my thoughts keep coming back to what’s going on between my legs. That’s hot.”

My thoughts, of course, are almost always on what’s happening between Susan’s legs, so while I’m all for her improving her general pelvic floor health and avoiding any incontinence issues down the road, the idea that she’s focusing more mental energy on her finer parts puts a smile on my face – and ratcheted up our late-spring relations.

“Honestly, I’m not sure if we had more sex in May,” Susan says. “But I do think it was more intense. I felt … well, stronger, and the exercisers provide hours of prolonged pre-foreplay foreplay.

“The night I used the Emigi at the concert, for example … it’s one of the heavier models, and it’s not very big, so I really had to concentrate on squeezing. And the weight rattles, so every time I moved – or moved it – I could feel it. And all this is happening at a concert, with dancing and people everywhere, rubbing past me, talking to me. Again, it’s just hot, physically and mentally. We barely made it home and in the house before I was more than ready to go.

SinFive Emigi