What's wrong with me?

When I was seventeen years old I had my first intimate experience. I had always enjoyed pleasuring myself, but the idea of someone else being intimate with me was such a new and exciting thought! I hadn't really watched pornography before, but I had seen some movies with some pretty steamy sex scenes, and I was anxious to experience my own mind-blowing, fireworks bursting, sweat pouring, powerfully orgasmic sex! Little did I know that the movies truly do deceive, and there's a lot more effort involved than what would seem. I never had any issues with bringing myself to orgasm, in fact, I did it quite frequently as a teenager, but allowing someone else to take me there was a different story all together.

The first time I had sex wasn't anything to write home about. I was completely inexperienced and neither of us were very good communicators. I had previously ventured far enough to find my clitoris and know that I enjoyed the feeling, but I never tried anything beyond that. I thought that having sex was going to feel like a penis rubbing my g-spot the same way my fingers would rub my clitoris. When I straddled my boyfriend and put him inside of me, I actually had to ask if he was in or not. I started doing my best to bounce my body up and down, to at least bring him pleasure. I felt a little bit of discomfort, but nothing like when I would bring myself to orgasm. It didn't take long for him to climax, and for me to be left wondering, "what is wrong with me?"

I knew all about sex and had since my father was accused of molesting two young girls when I was very young. I knew how it all worked, but I hadn't explored myself much, half thinking that I would be doing something wrong if I did. I was very confused at my lack of pleasure from the experience, everything I had learned up to that point was how good sex felt. I wanted to like it, I liked the fact that I was able to make someone else feel good, but what about me? Where was my great big finish?

We continued to share sexual experiences together and I learned a lot more about my body in the process. I was the only one that could bring myself to orgasm by touching myself. My boyfriend spent hours trying to get me there from touching alone, even with coaching, and it just wouldn't happen. I was so frustrated, but did my best to act like it was pleasurable. It was finally through oral sex that I had my first orgasm that wasn't brought on by my own hands. It took far longer than if I had done it myself, but it was nice to not be the only one putting in the effort. I kept telling him that I wanted to keep trying to have a g-spot orgasm, but that wasn't important to him, especially if it involved putting in extra effort, so it stopped being important to me.

We had tried some cheap sex toys while we were together, but nothing that was insertable. I had this idea in my mind that if I got something to go inside me, I would prefer it to him, since he was on the smaller side below the belt. I tried a clitoral vibrator for the first time and even that didn't work for me. My own finger felt better than this vibrator did. It was depressing and I pretty much gave up on my own pleasure and did the best I could to just focus on giving my man his, at least I could do that right.

Over four years and two beautiful daughters later, I ended our roommate style relationship. I wanted more from life, and he had no desire to advance and grow with me. I met someone else several months later, and after we had been dating for a while, we started our own sexual journey.

When I first saw him naked I was surprised by his size. I had never had anything that large inside of me; it was exciting and frightening at the same time! The first time that we had sex, I wanted to savor it. I slowly slid onto him, still waiting for that magical feeling I had heard so much about. I started moving on top of him, and though I could feel him far more than my last boyfriend, I was still disappointed. Was I broken? What was wrong with me?

Over the past couple years, I've had a few orgasms that resulted from sex alone, but they have been few and far between. About a year ago I received my first insertable toy from Eden Fantasys. I thought for sure if I had something that I could control inside of me, that I would be able to find my g-spot, and have the amazing, earth shattering orgasms that I had been waiting for. I took the time to try it on my own for a while, and had no success. I found an area that felt different, almost felt like an intense pressure, but no amount of pounding away at that spot brought me the experience I had been waiting for.

After trying many different toys, I feel it's safe to say that I probably will never have a true g-spot orgasm. It's a sad feeling, and though I want to have hope in it, it's hard to not grieve the loss of such an amazing experience. I wish that I had been properly educated when I was young, that not everyone can orgasm, and it's far more effort at times than a lot of people say. I won't give up completely, but I'm working hard at changing my thoughts about myself. There's not something wrong with me because I lack this ability, as my husband says, "God left out your g-spot 'cause He made you so awesome that there wasn't enough room." He's cute like that and though he jokes, it does make me feel better.

If you have difficulties achieving orgasms, please, don't feel like there's something wrong with you! You're not alone! Give yourself time and patience and cut yourself some slack! Though I haven't found the perfect toy to bring me to g-spot bliss, you just might! There's a huge selection at Eden Fantasys, and you might surprise yourself. Educate yourself on your body, and don't be afraid to experiment!

We're now able to experience amazing intimacy together, with a lot of patience, love, time, and oral sex; we've certainly found ways to experience intense pleasure together, often with a little help from the toys at Eden. I have finally found a few powerful vibrators that help my clitoral orgasms to be more intense, but I'm still working on that darn g-spot...