Intro to Sex Toys
One of the perks of being a sex toy reviewer/blogger is actually talking to people about the benefits of sex toys in a relationship. Sure, I get the typical people who turn their heads and scoff. However, I do love talking to those who are just as excited about sex toys as I am. So, needless to say, when my best friend inquired about possibly getting a sex toy for him and his girlfriend, I was floored. I took them around a virtual tour of EdenFantasys and, within an hour they had picked a few toys. Everything was going good. It was only after a few months that the ugly truth, that some people are just not ready for sex toys, reared its head. Some will become easily jealous over a toy. Some may even feel threatened by it. This fact alone can lead to extremely negative responses and even cause partners to lash out at each other over it. My tip to you is, evaluate the situation before going off over a vibrator. Nine times out of ten, it is never the vibrator's fault.
Most people that I run into simply do not like or want a sex toy. The one outstanding reason is because they believe they don't need them. Of course about 99.9% of those people who say that are men. You can assume what you like, but I seriously think that these guys don't want that competition. They feel it's a threat to their penis, which is a direct extension of their manhood--so sex toys are a no and probably always will be. Sometimes, though, you can show them the pluses and allow them to make their own decision.
Thus was the case with my best friend and his girlfriend. Everything seemed fine for the moment. Until the day he called me and said that he just put the vibrator into the microwave!
Now, a few feelings came up to reach me at that very moment. I wanted to scream! As we all know, vibrators can be pretty spendy. The one I bought for them was top of the line. I wanted them to have the best. This was largely due to the fact that I didn't want them getting some "El Cheapo" that would not provide any positive results, therefore deterring them away from sex toys forever. The other main feeling was that I just knew this was going to happen. I knew he wasn't ready for a sex toy to be introduced into his sexual routine. My friend is a naturally jealous type of guy. After a few times using the toy in the bedroom with his girlfriend, he started to feel as if he was coming in second place. This then developed into him believing she was using it with out him. He told me, at great length, about the booby traps he placed on the toy to tell if she was, in fact, using it while he wasn't around; the pieces of tape over the box of the toy; the pieces of toilet paper, carefully laid just so, near the toy that would show any signs of disturbance if the toy had been moved; the list went on and on. Needless to say, he was convinced she was using it without him.
Maybe she was. It's like this: a large percentage of men masturbate. It's almost an untalked about subject because, well, it just goes without saying. It is as natural to us as breathing. All of us men are aware that we do it, we just don't always openly talk about it. Now, somewhere along the line, we have become convinced that women don't do it! Do not ask me why, but so many men that I talk to are convinced that their wife or girlfriend doesn't masturbate. When asked why, they can only respond with,“Why would she? She has me.” Now, when I ask them if they masturbate, they almost always respond rather quickly with, “Well yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?”
EVERYTHING!!!
I could go on forever about this! Women masturbate. It's just the way it is. Just like us, they do it because they are exploring their bodies and trying to figure out what works best for them. Above all else, it simply feels good. So why should you think that we are all so different when it comes to masturbation? I get offended when people act like it's taboo for a woman to masturbate. It just makes no sense to me at all.
Let's move on before I go off on a rant here.
Survey Says!
Masturbation is most common for both men and women in the 25-29 age group. At ages 25-29 just over two thirds of males and just over half of females masturbated at least once in the past month.
The Kinsey Institute
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After I asked him my golden question, my friend responded by telling me that he had not had sex with his girlfriend for a few weeks. This was a little concerning to me. Not because I believed what he did, which was the vibrator had officially taken over. I saw it as a red flag to something else. So I asked him a few questions about his relationship and the current state he thought it was in. After awhile it became clear that the vibrator was not the root of his problems. The vibrator wasn't even a tiny twig on this blooming tree of disaster that these two were growing. There were claims and confessions of cheating, verbal and physical abuse, accusations of drug addiction. The list went on and on. It didn't sound like a good situation. My friend was in a rough spot and was acting a fool because of it. He was looking for anything and everything to blame. I could only call this a volatile relationship that was surely about to come to a tragic and maybe violent end. He needed to hear this.
“First of all man, you need to just talk to her about it instead of throwing her vibrator in the damn microwave! What does that do? Do you seriously think there is only one vibrator in the world? She will get another one! Trust me, that's not the issue here. She is obviously unhappy and, from the sounds of things, so are you! So why in the hell haven't you talked to her about any of this? If there is any love left in your relationship, then it will find a way to mend all this bullshit and bring you guys back together. However, I would honestly have to say it's over, and maybe you should be the bigger man and tell her how you truly feel and then leave or tell her to go!”
He went quiet for awhile and finally agreed with me, that maybe it was time he told her how he felt about everything. I was relieved to hear it, but still pretty pissed about the whole vibrator in the microwave thing.
My point is this guys and gals: if you're in a relationship where you think your significant other is masturbating with you not around, it's normal. Now, if you believe your partner is spending too much time with their toy, and ignoring you in the process, tell him or her about it. Work it out. Also keep in mind there are hundreds of couple toys you can buy as well. So why not integrate something into your sex life that you both can enjoy together at the same time? However, if you're being locked out completely, and have thoughts or knowledge that something much deeper is going on, do not flip out and throw all the sex toys in the microwave! Evaluate the situation. Write it down if you must! Then confront your lover with your problems and try to work them out. It is the only way you're going to fix anything, or come to a final conclusion on where your relationship is going. Never blame the vibrators or sex toys. They have never hurt anyone! Well, some might have if they were in the wrong hands, but you get my point!
I'm curious: what toy was it that got nuked? If you think the specific toy is too specific to share, could we know the brand?
I could see jealousy of toys in my house, but not for the reasons you list. We have physical disabilities that make sex hard, so toys are a band aid.
Very good article. I am 36 and my girlfriend is 23 and had never been around toys before. I personally love using them on her to spice up the sex life. I have never had a problem with giving a girl a vaginal orgasim before but with her it was very difficult because her g spot is very deep and in order for her to have a clitoral orgasm she had to be on top (gets boring fast). Since I am a guy I do have to add the disclaimer that I am 6" guy with an above average girth (now I feel better). Rather than getting frustrated and giving up, I introduced her to toys. I found out she had always been the no foreplay, do your business and get off type of girl but toys have changed that. In seven months she has progressed from cheap silver bullets to the magic wand with attachments. I recently introduced her to g spot stimulation with my finger in her anus and she is having the best orgasms of her life. So much so, that I just purchased a g spot stimulator I plan to use anally on her. With the use of sex toys, our relationship has become much stronger and I have more confidence when it comes to satisfying her. We have now been going to a swingers club to play with other girls which she had never done before and have had some fun with a couple of her female friends. I can thank sex toys for my great sex life and making my girlfriend who was new to being kinky and making her become even kinkier.
I would think a vibrator in a microwave would be dangerous. Aren't there batteries or at least some metal in all vibrators?
First time here and just loved this article. I can't believe a man would be jealous of a vibe, just shows insecurity big time. My man thinks they are the bomb and enjoys using them with me and especially enjoys when I use them on myself is his biggest turn on! Everyone is different however and it is a shame about people who are afraid of the enjoyment to be had while being offended bya piece of plastic or silicone for that matter. My heart goes out to them.
very good article. would have been a great idea if you had included some of the pluses to having vibes.
I would LOVE for my wife to masturbate more, and embrace sex toys. It would be yet another wonderful thing for us to share.
Great article. I have seen insecurities pop up a few times when it comes to sex toys. Including one poor female friend of mine who has issues with having an orgasm asking her boyfriend if they could perhaps introduce a vibe into their play. The response she received was "That's cheating." Yes as in her boyfriend using a sex toy on her was cheating. ~sighs~
Absolutely fantastic article.
When recommending toys to my friends this has come up quite a bit, which usually results in serious conversations similar to the one you cite in this article.