Life doesn’t always go as planned, does it? A couple weeks ago I made a promise, that due to technological glitches I couldn't keep. Instead of stressing too much about the issue, I got to thinking about how things in the bedroom don't always go as planned. I hear this complaint all the time from my clients so I know it is super common and super frustrating.


The question is what the heck do you do about it?

Picture this. It’s Friday night. You’ve had a somewhat stressful week and are looking forward to unwinding with a glass of wine, a hot bath, and some intimate time with your partner/hand/toy.

You drink the wine. You run the bath. You slip into something comfortable and the foreplay begins.

Things heat up. You’re feeling every lick, every breath, and every stroke. Then BAM! You remember that awful fight you had with your parent/sibling/co-worker/friend. Or your to-do list for tomorrow. Or that paradigm-shifting change you are about to make in your life that scares the crap out of you.

Suddenly you don’t feel quite as in-the-mood anymore. Your body responds by increasing the amount of stress hormones in your body which means you can say goodbye to all those warm fuzzies and hello to decreased sensation as well as tightness, dryness, and crankiness. Once your brain starts whirring, the rest of your body follows by pulling in.

What do you do when these moments hit? And better yet how can you prevent them?

Here are three steps to get you in the mood or back to it.

Step 1: Pamper yourself.

You deserve to look and feel as radiant as you are. Invest in some spa quality bath and body products and better yet, use them! Start your day with a long hot shower. Wash, exfoliate, shave, and moisturize. Take the time to really massage in some body lotion or butter, skimming your hands over your body and spending extra time in the areas where that touch feels extra good. Dab a pump of enhancement gel on your clitoris and start the day with the same sensations you hope to end it with. Put your sexy lingerie under your work clothes and top it off with a couple of drops of some sexy perfume.

Pressed for time? Even just a few of these steps will help put you into a pleasurable mindset.

Step 2: Start the foreplay early.

If you live with your partner, give them an extra-long kiss as you or as they head out for work remind them what you plan on doing later with some sexy texts. If you are riding solo, download some free erotica on your phone and read it on your commute, your lunch break, and whenever you have a moment. Skip the news sites and your regular blogs in favor of some sexier ones (like you know this one). Set an alarm to remind you to do your kegel exercises and try to feel the muscles squeeze around your G-spot. Prime your mind and your body will follow.

Step 3: Communicate and start over.

If despite these actions you still find yourself thinking about fights and to-do lists mid-coitus, take a deep breath. If you are with a partner, tell them how good it felt when they did X and ask if they could do that again. If you are riding solo, use your fingers or toys in a different way. Think back to whatever made you feel sexy at first and focus on that. Keep breathing. Every time your mind wanders, think back to what felt good and why it felt good and where it felt good. Use your mind’s ability to think about lots of stuff to your advantage.

Now it’s your turn. Do you ever find your mind taking over during sex? What other tips help you get and stay in the moment? Share below!