Long Distance: Enjoying the Now

Before I tell you what works for us, let me take this opportunity to tell you how he and I met.

Sleep deprived and bored, I signed into a chat room for the first time in several years. I wasn’t expecting, or hoping, for much more than a small distraction. Within minutes, I was greeted by dozens of messages from men looking to chat – and, in some cases, play. I wasn’t interested in most of the conversation attempts, and so I went to hit the exit button. It was then – just as my mouse was about to hit the “x” – that I received a message from a man that fascinated me.

Thinking back now, I can’t explain what it was about his message. It was short, basic, and it was nothing that I hadn’t heard before – but for some reason, I continued the conversation. We spoke for six hours that day, and then for about 5 hours every day after that. After two months of chatting, he asked the question that I had been simultaneously hoping for and dreading: “do you want to meet?” We seemed to click so well, and I knew I’d regret not taking the chance. Within days, I booked a flight from the USA to the UK.

The connection was just as strong in person. I told him that I hated that it had to be this way; why did my heart have to decide that it wants someone that’s so far away? The heart wants what it wants though, and my heart was set on him. His, thankfully, was also set on me.

I’m not sure what brought me to him. I like to think that it was meant to be – I never frequented chats, yet I did that night, and there he was. I disconnected with everyone, but somehow felt the need to talk to him. I hate to fly, and yet I didn’t give a second thought to flying across an ocean. It’s either meant to be, or just a funny coincidence. I like to say it’s meant to be, because even if our love should fall apart… I’ve discovered bits of me that I didn’t know existed, all thanks to him.

I won’t lie to you and say that this relationship is easy. I won’t pretend that I don’t cry sometimes, because I just miss him beyond comprehension. I won’t say that we don’t have arguments. We’re a normal couple in that respect. I miss him and I cry sometimes. We argue sometimes, and sometimes those arguments end with both of us having hurt feelings. Just like every other couple, we have our good times, and we have our bad times.

When my partner and I first got together, we used to constantly worry about what came next. It got to the point that most of our conversations revolved around discussing these worries – and that just wasn’t fun for anyone. I’ve read so many articles that recommend that you come up with a timeframe for the distance to end, but that just does not work for us. The reasons being that life doesn’t always work in a set timeframe, and also that sometimes timeframes can cause people to rush and make moves before they’re truly ready. Or – the reverse, timeframes can make people panic, and run away. For my partner and me, it was best not to worry about timeframes. Instead, we take it one day at a time. We plan our next visits, but that’s about it. This makes for a far less stressful relationship.

Don’t misunderstand that to mean that we don’t talk about what we want in the future – we most certainly do. We just remember to enjoy the “now”, and not place so much focus on the future. Our hopes for the future are always there, but we both know that the future is uncertain for everyone (including us).

Another thing that has helped us is to have an open relationship. We do require that we’re both honest with one another about our sexual experiences with other people, though. It sounds strange to say, but having an open relationship really helped us both with trusting one another.

We also accept that sometimes life comes up, and that can make it difficult for us to get in touch with each other daily. Yes, it’s ideal if we can talk for hours every night – but the fact is, even when two people live in the same town, they usually don’t talk for hours every single night.

We do, however, attempt to keep in contact frequently. On the weeks that time just seems difficult to find, we send each other e-mails. Sometimes the e-mails are very short, stating just that we’re thinking of the other. Sometimes those e-mails go on for several pages. Sometimes the e-mails are nice, and sometimes they’re naughty.

No matter the length, and no matter the content, those e-mails are great reminders of our love and affection for one another. On days when time is easier to find, we’ll spend hours chatting on Skype. We also make time to spend a bit of time playing sexually on Skype.

Finally, one of my biggest issues in this relationship is that I don’t always feel like I’m being “useful” to him. As a highly submissive individual, it’s natural for me to want to constantly serve his needs – but, sadly, I can’t always do that from a distance. For this, I began asking him to provide me with little instructions throughout the week. The instructions are generally quite small, but they help me feel like I’m fulfilling my role.

So, that’s it. We try to enjoy the now, though we do look forward to the next time we’ll be able to kiss one another. For now, we get by, and we do our best, just like any other couple. He recommends books, I read them. I recommend movies, he watches them. We laugh together, and yes, we argue. We share interests, and desire. The truth is that we’re like any other couple, except for the fact that we’ve got some more space between us.

We don’t know what the future holds, but we do know that the “now” is beautiful.