Introduction: What is a limit?
So what is a limit? The word limit comes from the “off limits” and typically refers to things that you are uncomfortable with and do not want to happen during a scene. Typically both partners (or multiple partners) sit down and negotiate what they do not want. Limits are also inclusive, though, as they also include what parties do want. Setting limits is basically just discussing what you want to happen, what you do not mind if it happens, and what you do not want to happen. Once you have discussed all of these things a scene can take place.
Hard Limit: This is a limit where you will never do that activity. It makes you extremely uncomfortable, or it is too painful, or something you have tried previously and just hated. It is something that should never ever happen in a scene. If it does happen the scene should stop immediately and it should be discussed right away. So some examples of hard limits could be nipple clamps, because they cause too much pain. Or anal sex because I just do not find that appealing. Or no using hot wax on my body, because I am afraid of getting burned. Although you do not need to justify or explain your limit, I find it helpful. It gives your partner a better idea of the limit and they can be a better play partner. In the above example where the person states “no nipple clamps” it would likely also be good to avoid flogging, caning, slapping, or biting her nipples or to go very slow. I do not think a person needs to justify their beliefs. They are entitled to what they do and do not like, but by sharing you can make it more clear and end up with better play.
Soft Limit: These is a more general term and encompasses two categories. The first soft limit is where you are unsure about something and not sure if you like it, but you still consent to it. The person is unsure if they will like the activity and they are apprehensive about it. They have some fear surrounding the activity. What this means is the top/dominant needs to be careful with that activity. For example one of my soft limits might be flogging. I am unsure if it will hurt too much or be too intense for me. So I tell my top/dominant that I have this soft limit then he/she should be careful when flogging. He should use a lighter flogger and go slow and check in with safewords more frequently. It is still an activity you can do, but you want to raise the intensity more slowly, watch your partner more vigilantly, and just be careful.
The second type of soft limit is where something desired is very close to a hard limit. This is where an activity you desire is close in location to a location you do not want. Or the intensity you want is close to the intensity you do not want. So an example of this could be you like biting on the arm and shoulder, but biting on the neck is a hard limit. Or you want to be flogged, but only on your buttock and not your back at all. Or you want to be paddled, but bruising is a hard limit. The desired outcome and the hard limit can be interchanged if the top/dominant is not careful. So again here the strategy is to go a bit slower. Raise the intensity slower, watch your partner carefully, and check in with safewords often.
Hard Limit: This is a limit where you will never do that activity. It makes you extremely uncomfortable, or it is too painful, or something you have tried previously and just hated. It is something that should never ever happen in a scene. If it does happen the scene should stop immediately and it should be discussed right away. So some examples of hard limits could be nipple clamps, because they cause too much pain. Or anal sex because I just do not find that appealing. Or no using hot wax on my body, because I am afraid of getting burned. Although you do not need to justify or explain your limit, I find it helpful. It gives your partner a better idea of the limit and they can be a better play partner. In the above example where the person states “no nipple clamps” it would likely also be good to avoid flogging, caning, slapping, or biting her nipples or to go very slow. I do not think a person needs to justify their beliefs. They are entitled to what they do and do not like, but by sharing you can make it more clear and end up with better play.
Soft Limit: These is a more general term and encompasses two categories. The first soft limit is where you are unsure about something and not sure if you like it, but you still consent to it. The person is unsure if they will like the activity and they are apprehensive about it. They have some fear surrounding the activity. What this means is the top/dominant needs to be careful with that activity. For example one of my soft limits might be flogging. I am unsure if it will hurt too much or be too intense for me. So I tell my top/dominant that I have this soft limit then he/she should be careful when flogging. He should use a lighter flogger and go slow and check in with safewords more frequently. It is still an activity you can do, but you want to raise the intensity more slowly, watch your partner more vigilantly, and just be careful.
The second type of soft limit is where something desired is very close to a hard limit. This is where an activity you desire is close in location to a location you do not want. Or the intensity you want is close to the intensity you do not want. So an example of this could be you like biting on the arm and shoulder, but biting on the neck is a hard limit. Or you want to be flogged, but only on your buttock and not your back at all. Or you want to be paddled, but bruising is a hard limit. The desired outcome and the hard limit can be interchanged if the top/dominant is not careful. So again here the strategy is to go a bit slower. Raise the intensity slower, watch your partner carefully, and check in with safewords often.
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