Once again I’m flooded with emails from friends and strangers sending me pictures of zombie penises and dead squirrels having sex. This has become my new normal, ya’ll.

Top 10 strangest things people sent me this month:

1. Harry Potter and the X-Rated Trailer

2. Amorous squirrel taxidermy. On a plinth. Really? Nobody has questions about this?

3. Ancient wall dildo. Oh, archeology. You’ve outdone yourself this time.

4. I’m assuming the ladder is there for scale?

5. ’70s Porn Pillows. They’re…kind of exactly how they sound.

6. Zombie dildo: Two words that should never really be used together.

7. I don’t even know if this is supposed to be sexual or not, but I can’t stop watching it.

8. Corn Vibrator. Almost as bad as the zombie dildo.

9. You know what? Maybe it would be safer if we just avoid vibrators altogether.

10. This isn’t real, right? For the love of God, please someone tell me this isn’t real.