Last week someone emailed me an article about women who are undergoing plastic surgery of the vagina. The subject line was “Saw this and thought of you” and I was all “What in the fuck are you implying?” but then she explained that she sent me the article because she wanted my opinion on it and not as some sort of vague insult. Which is good because my vagina happens to be awesome, thankyouverymuch. Or possibly it’s not. I don’t actually know because to be honest with you, I’m not even entirely certain what mine looks like. I suspect it looks like a Georgia O’Keefe painting but with less leaves. Frankly, I’ve never given it much thought until I read this article, which I think gave my vagina some sort of a complex. Awesome.
The article talks about women wanting the surgery so their vagina will look “elegant,” which is a bit baffling because I’ve never seen anyone’s junk that I would describe as looking “elegant.” And I’ve seen a lot of junk, y’all. Mostly because I shower at the gym. Not because I’m a gigantic whore. But in all my times of seeing naked chicks in the shower I’ve never once thought to myself “Wow. Now that is an elegant vagina!” Maybe I’m going to the wrong gym but I doubt it. I did once say “Nice necklace” though, which was kind of weird because who wears a necklace in the shower? Granted, it’s also a little weird that I complimented a naked stranger’s jewelry, but I figured that if she went to the trouble to wear it in there she probably wanted someone to remark on it. It’s kind of a cry for attention. Much like getting plastic surgery on your hoo-ha. And now we’ve come full circle.
I guess what I’m saying is that having cosmetic surgery on your vagina seems kind of ridiculous. It’s like getting a tattoo on the inside of your eyelid. It might be pretty but it’s awfully hard to show off at parties. Also, I think it’s suspicious that the same time that doctors started pushing vagina-surgery they also started claiming that the G-spot doesn’t exist. I can only assume that’s because they accidentally cut a bunch of them off during the surgeries and now they’re trying to cover their tracks.
In conclusion? Just say no to carving up your vagina, y’all.* It looks fine. Slimming, even. I can’t believe I’m even having to give this advice.
*Unless it’s to add pockets. I’d support vagina surgery to add pockets. One never has enough pockets.**
**Except that technically I guess the vagina kind of is a pocket. Huh. So never mind then. No vagina carving unless your vagina is actually getting in the way of you living your life, in which case you should totally get it fixed or possibly even removed. No one wants an abusive vagina.
The article talks about women wanting the surgery so their vagina will look “elegant,” which is a bit baffling because I’ve never seen anyone’s junk that I would describe as looking “elegant.” And I’ve seen a lot of junk, y’all. Mostly because I shower at the gym. Not because I’m a gigantic whore. But in all my times of seeing naked chicks in the shower I’ve never once thought to myself “Wow. Now that is an elegant vagina!” Maybe I’m going to the wrong gym but I doubt it. I did once say “Nice necklace” though, which was kind of weird because who wears a necklace in the shower? Granted, it’s also a little weird that I complimented a naked stranger’s jewelry, but I figured that if she went to the trouble to wear it in there she probably wanted someone to remark on it. It’s kind of a cry for attention. Much like getting plastic surgery on your hoo-ha. And now we’ve come full circle.
I guess what I’m saying is that having cosmetic surgery on your vagina seems kind of ridiculous. It’s like getting a tattoo on the inside of your eyelid. It might be pretty but it’s awfully hard to show off at parties. Also, I think it’s suspicious that the same time that doctors started pushing vagina-surgery they also started claiming that the G-spot doesn’t exist. I can only assume that’s because they accidentally cut a bunch of them off during the surgeries and now they’re trying to cover their tracks.
In conclusion? Just say no to carving up your vagina, y’all.* It looks fine. Slimming, even. I can’t believe I’m even having to give this advice.
*Unless it’s to add pockets. I’d support vagina surgery to add pockets. One never has enough pockets.**
**Except that technically I guess the vagina kind of is a pocket. Huh. So never mind then. No vagina carving unless your vagina is actually getting in the way of you living your life, in which case you should totally get it fixed or possibly even removed. No one wants an abusive vagina.
Laughing so hard! I LOVE it!
Excuse me while I adjust my slack jaw.
What about if a woman is at a beach there was a commotion in the ocean and gets sand in her vagina but it wasn't just sand, there was also a rock lobster, and it damaged her vagina and made it look more like the Predator's mouth, all fangs and torn up and stuff... would that merit getting surgery to add pockets to it?
Bloggess, I have just discovered you and your pithy prose. You jam out with your clam out! And I'm sure it's a perfectly wonderful clam that doesn't need surgical adjustments, enhancements or other folderol.
@Edwin Perello
That made my pussy hurt. NEVER post anything so twat-torturous again!
Bloggess, I have just discovered you and your pithy prose. You jam out with your clam out! And I'm sure it's a perfectly wonderful clam that doesn't need surgical adjustments, enhancements or other folderol.
@Edwin Perello
That made my pussy hurt. NEVER post anything so twat-torturous again!
Ok, sorry bout the two-post thing. I don't even know how I did that.
I say a pocket, WITHIN the vagina, to avoid the discomfort of the 'do you have a condom' discussion. Just a 'hey, what's th...oh, yeah, I should put this on, thanks for reminding me'.
I saw a great doc on BBC about it called "The Perfect Vagina"
I have to comment, and NO, I am not taking you too seriously. (Maybe.) A woman can actually get a Pocket in her vagina. It's called a vaginal.......I forget, but it's like diverticulitis of the vagina. It's horrible. bacteria and stuff can get caught in there, and sex can hurt, and then these woman have to HAVE surgery to fix the problem.
I'm a nurse, I know these things. Sometimes I don't WANT to....
And, no you can't keep anything IN these pockets.....except bacteria. Nobody wants that.
I love my slimming vagina. I actually watched a porno that wasnt a porno about vagina surgery. It was basically a naked woman sitting there and talking all about vagina surgery and then in the end she basically said it wasnt worth it. And I just sat there and thought of the other million things I could have been doing while I was wasting my time watching this porno that wasnt a porno. Then there was the one about pony play... I really need to pick my free porn more carefully.