So, I've been single for a month and a half now. And I've been patting myself on the back over it, like I somehow turned a new leaf by not boyfriending it up right away. But that month and a half has been a bit insane. I don't just date a younger man, I date a young European virgin. I don't just date an Irish photographer, I date an autistic Irish gender queer photographer. And I don't just date once or twice a week. I over-date.
In the whirlwind I have begun to think a lot about why I'm dating so much. In fact, the extremely well hung engineer I've been dating is kind of a mirror of me in that regard. So, in listening to him speak about his dating life, I've started to notice that the main reason I date so damn much is not that I'm lonely or terrified that I'll end up alone. And I'm not even seeking love right now. My best friend reminds me with some frequency that I can find a way to dismiss any person I date within the first five minutes of meeting them. Even if I'm nutso about the person before we meet, by the time the date is over, I've already figured out six reasons that it won't work out.
And it isn't the sex, because I have plenty of friends I could call for sex, and sex with a new person isn't as appealing to me as sex with someone I already know. Sure, the game of attraction can be fun, and discovering new chemistry is wonderful. But I'd much prefer my hitachi most nights.
What is it then, that drives me to date with such frequency? It's simple, and stupid. I feel like the frequency with which I date makes me more valuable as a person. I am trying to prove to myself and to others that I am desirable, attractive, and sought after. Which is dumb. I don't need a string of hot men chasing after me to know that I'm okay. I mean, the attention is nice, and I like getting all the free food. Shit, I had leftover duck for breakfast.
But, if I'm really going to start enjoying my dating life, I need to slow it down a whole lot. We'll see how it goes, right? I know myself well enough to know that I could be completely full of crap right now, and that by the weekend I'll have another three dates under my belt. Or maybe I can put my mind to moderation instead. And I can be excessively moderate, however that works. Wish me luck.
In the whirlwind I have begun to think a lot about why I'm dating so much. In fact, the extremely well hung engineer I've been dating is kind of a mirror of me in that regard. So, in listening to him speak about his dating life, I've started to notice that the main reason I date so damn much is not that I'm lonely or terrified that I'll end up alone. And I'm not even seeking love right now. My best friend reminds me with some frequency that I can find a way to dismiss any person I date within the first five minutes of meeting them. Even if I'm nutso about the person before we meet, by the time the date is over, I've already figured out six reasons that it won't work out.
And it isn't the sex, because I have plenty of friends I could call for sex, and sex with a new person isn't as appealing to me as sex with someone I already know. Sure, the game of attraction can be fun, and discovering new chemistry is wonderful. But I'd much prefer my hitachi most nights.
What is it then, that drives me to date with such frequency? It's simple, and stupid. I feel like the frequency with which I date makes me more valuable as a person. I am trying to prove to myself and to others that I am desirable, attractive, and sought after. Which is dumb. I don't need a string of hot men chasing after me to know that I'm okay. I mean, the attention is nice, and I like getting all the free food. Shit, I had leftover duck for breakfast.
But, if I'm really going to start enjoying my dating life, I need to slow it down a whole lot. We'll see how it goes, right? I know myself well enough to know that I could be completely full of crap right now, and that by the weekend I'll have another three dates under my belt. Or maybe I can put my mind to moderation instead. And I can be excessively moderate, however that works. Wish me luck.
Tangential question: If you have friends who you presumably like and can call for sex, what prevents you from dating them? Is there some missing element, or are there things that would be dealbreakers for anything more than friends with benefits status? I've been in this situation a few times myself, but it's a funny one.
Great question. And interesting that you ask, since the next episode of the show is going to have a special guest appearance, and we're going to talk about that topic a bit!