Tim and I are the sort of people who, by romantic comedy standards, ought to be running through an airport toward each other as the music swells. He's a huge pain in the ass, he says really offensive things frequently, and once he came really close to having sex with a blow up pig that was in my closet. One time we were at the movies together and these women next to me didn't shut up the entire movie, and Tim farted on them as we were passing to leave the theater. I fucking love him.

And the thing is, I don't think I've ever had a boyfriend who was 100% on the Tim train. They usually don't like him, and I suppose I can figure out why. He's attractive, he's brilliant, he makes me laugh way harder than any of them could, and he encourages my badassery and trouble making. Plus, the guy is jacked. If we get completely wasted, we'll probably do it, and we won't be weird about it after. We'll go back to wiping boogers on each other and talking about how we've gotta do something with out writing. So, of course, any man in my life is going to have to be comfortable with and accept that I have a not-gay best friend, and trust that it's not a romance.

Someone recently asked a great question. They wanted to know, if I have male friends who I like to spend time with and enjoy having sex with, what's stopping me from making any one of these people my boyfriend? And I've been thinking about that a lot because I don't have a truly great answer, other than that I don't feel romantic about these friends with benefits, and they don't feel romantic about me. And that's how it is with Tim as well. He's into much younger chicks, and I'm into guys with quirks. Much as I enjoy eating tacos with him and using him as my stand in date for anything I don't want to go to alone, I just don't get that weird, stupid ache of love. And that's for the best, because that ache really fucks things up.

So, this months episode features Tim as my special guest, and we tell the dating story of how we met and how we came really scarily close to not being friends, all because of a guy. We won't let that happen again.