If you’re a guy, you can just say “No. I don’t want to have to sex with you” and that will work because most girls have low self-esteem and you will crush her and she’ll run to the bathroom to cry for a week. Way to go, asshole. I suggest “I’d love to sleep with you but you’re just too good for me” because that way she’ll feel better and she’ll be less likely to slash your tires.
If you’re a girl turning down a guy who’s asking you to have sex with him, then it often requires a bit more persistence. You should almost always start with the gentle approach of “You’re awesome but you’re not my type” but if he continues to harass you, then all bets are off and you can use any of these tried-and-true responses to get him to leave you alone:
“I’d love to but I have a raging case of Gonoherpititis. You never heard of it? It’s kind of new. And really contagious. You should probably go wash your hands.”
“I never have sex with the children of people I’ve already slept with. It’s kind of a rule I have.”
“I totally would but there’s a chipmunk in my vagina. I’m really into deforestation issues so I let forest animals live in my vagina as a living protest to them losing their homes.”
“I totally would but there’s a chipmunk in my vagina. Why? Oh, no reason.”
“Maybe. But I have an extremely narrow vagina so I can only have sex with men whose penises are less than a quarter inch in diameter.” (This should be said loudly in front of his friends.)
”Sorry. I stopped wearing earrings for a year and my piercings grew over. The same thing happened to my vagina.”
“The doctor says I have to wait another three weeks before the stitches come off.”
“I have explosive diarrhea.”
“I’m an old-fashioned girl so you’ll have to ask my father first. He doesn’t own a phone but here’s his address.”
“Spaghetti. Rhinoceros. Whose hippo is that?”
“No. Because I said so.”
If you’re a girl turning down a guy who’s asking you to have sex with him, then it often requires a bit more persistence. You should almost always start with the gentle approach of “You’re awesome but you’re not my type” but if he continues to harass you, then all bets are off and you can use any of these tried-and-true responses to get him to leave you alone:
“I’d love to but I have a raging case of Gonoherpititis. You never heard of it? It’s kind of new. And really contagious. You should probably go wash your hands.”
“I never have sex with the children of people I’ve already slept with. It’s kind of a rule I have.”
“I totally would but there’s a chipmunk in my vagina. I’m really into deforestation issues so I let forest animals live in my vagina as a living protest to them losing their homes.”
“I totally would but there’s a chipmunk in my vagina. Why? Oh, no reason.”
“Maybe. But I have an extremely narrow vagina so I can only have sex with men whose penises are less than a quarter inch in diameter.” (This should be said loudly in front of his friends.)
”Sorry. I stopped wearing earrings for a year and my piercings grew over. The same thing happened to my vagina.”
“The doctor says I have to wait another three weeks before the stitches come off.”
“I have explosive diarrhea.”
“I’m an old-fashioned girl so you’ll have to ask my father first. He doesn’t own a phone but here’s his address.”
“Spaghetti. Rhinoceros. Whose hippo is that?”
“No. Because I said so.”
“Spaghetti. Rhinoceros. Whose hippo is that?”
That one's my favorite! It would totally work. Totally!
[https://www.laughingattherain.blogspot.com].
“I totally would but there’s a chipmunk in my vagina. I’m really into deforestation issues so I let forest animals live in my vagina as a living protest to them losing their homes.”
That so needs to be on the next set of Christmas cards or on a t-shirt.
Oh how about Christmas card of Wil Weaton wearing that shirt... Aww but he doesn't have a vagina. *Pouts*
If all else fails, combine some of them "I'm sorry, but theres a chimpunk with a raging case of Gonoherpititis and explosive diarrhea living in my vagina."
”Sorry. I stopped wearing earrings for a year and my piercings grew over. The same thing happened to my vagina.”
Almost spat out my coffee!
I have to strongly disagree with the premise of your second paragraph. Women are much more culturally armed to say 'no' to sex. Men are never taught nor are they expected to say it. In fact they are brainwashed into believing that real men never turn it down.
The only excuse I ever used that worked was AIDS. I don't know, I was getting annoyed and just blurted it out. I told him I was only joking afterwards, but it worked a charm... he didn't insist again.
"I'm just not emotionally and vaginally available. And my grandma is stuck in the oven and I need to get her out."
If all else fails, combine some of them "I'm sorry, but theres a chimpunk with a raging case of Gonoherpititis and explosive diarrhea living in my vagina."
^LOL^
Also, I almost want someone to try to insist just so I can tell them I have a chipmunk living in my vagina, for no reason. Brilliant
"I'm really into deforestation issues." HA! Love this post.
I once headed off a proposition by saying that I faked orgasms (not quite sure how I snuck that into the conversation).
Heh. In Clerks 2, there's this scene...
[https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0424345/quotes?qt=qt0473330]
We never get to meet the girl, not in the bits I paid attention to anyway, so I was never sure if /she/ actually believed she had a pussy troll or if she just said it to get out of sex.
why should some one say no to sex?
this was a fun read
hmmm how about... "Im actually having a discharge problem right now, it smells like an infection, will you smell it for me and give me your opinion?" hm. I may be a sick fuck. Oh well.
I totally agree with you love your blog
I've read a ton of your articles in the past few days and I must say, I love your attitude. In addition, I love the amazing way you combine fun, silly, sarcastic things into a situation that is OH SO SERIOUS and still end it on the PERFECT NOTE. Thank you for being you, Jenny.