Every month I’m flooded with emails from people sending me bizarre shit with the subject line “I can’t send this to anyone but you”. I’ve chosen to take this as a compliment. One that benefits us all. “Benefits” might not be the best word here.
The top 10 strangest things people sent me this month:
1. "Come over and meet my self-fellating chinchillas, then we'll make vagina cupcakes!"
2. Unicorn Man Glamour Shots. I don’t even know what to say here, y’all.
3. The 11 funniest unintentionally sexual books of all time.
4. Pornographic magazine for the blind. Honestly? It’s fucking terrifying.
5. One can never have enough “jizz”. Oh, wait. Yes. One can.
6. Semi-autobiographical book about a man who has a relationship with a dolphin. Not making this shit up, people.
7. You got your vagina in my cocaine! You got your cocaine in my vagina! Half of the people reading this are too young to get that reference. The other half just want me to stop.
8. “For ages 5+ years”. Wow.
9. Totally fucking terrifying. But then scroll down to the same picture with the googly eyes. Totally fucking adorable. Conclusion: Googly eyes fix everything. Except for Unicorn Man. Nothing’s gonna fix that shit.
10. We’re probably all going to go to hell.
Bonus: At a certain point you just have to admire that level of confidence.
The top 10 strangest things people sent me this month:
1. "Come over and meet my self-fellating chinchillas, then we'll make vagina cupcakes!"
2. Unicorn Man Glamour Shots. I don’t even know what to say here, y’all.
3. The 11 funniest unintentionally sexual books of all time.
4. Pornographic magazine for the blind. Honestly? It’s fucking terrifying.
5. One can never have enough “jizz”. Oh, wait. Yes. One can.
6. Semi-autobiographical book about a man who has a relationship with a dolphin. Not making this shit up, people.
7. You got your vagina in my cocaine! You got your cocaine in my vagina! Half of the people reading this are too young to get that reference. The other half just want me to stop.
8. “For ages 5+ years”. Wow.
9. Totally fucking terrifying. But then scroll down to the same picture with the googly eyes. Totally fucking adorable. Conclusion: Googly eyes fix everything. Except for Unicorn Man. Nothing’s gonna fix that shit.
10. We’re probably all going to go to hell.
Bonus: At a certain point you just have to admire that level of confidence.
Does the unicorn man thing mean that he's the 'man of your wildest fantasies?'
If you have too much jizz don't you cook it up with some eggs and bacon"
I'm totally stuck on the vampire squid from hell...I'm really surprised that didn't hold your attention.
For some reason unicorn man scares me. Maybe I should have looked at these in order and put it all in one post? But that would assume I'm an organized person....
Oh oh oh...when I was at girl scout camp...going back to scouts in bondage...the assistant leader taught us all about bondage and tying people up. Now that I think back...you weren't supposed to learn that stuff in girl scout camp, right?
Blast it Jenny...if I go to hell I'm blaming you because I didn't know this stuff was bad until you drew my attention to it. Now what do I do...burn my books? Book burning is bad, Jenny...shame on you.