Some of my readers thought it was a fashion statement, and others thought it was a feminist rebellion against wedding dresses. I sent it to my friend Kevin, who saw it and responded “Nice flower,”, which is telling in so many ways. I pointed out that the flower was, in fact, an enormous vagina, but he insisted that it was a fabric orchid because “that’s not what a vagina looks like.” Then I emailed him a medical photograph of a vagina and then he admitted that he was wrong about the vagina, and also about the decision to ever giving me his work email address.
Kevin: It’s nice though, because most wedding dresses don’t have pockets. This way she can hold her own gum without asking her husband to hold it for her.
Me: I don’t think I could pull off that look. I’d be like, “Does this vagina make me look fat?” Plus, I don’t have the biceps to go sleeveless.
Kevin: I’m not sure anyone would be looking at your arms when your vagina is being so distracting
Me: True. Plus, the vagina is so enormous it’s sort of slimming. Like wearing vertical stripes.
Kevin: It looks like a cartoon alien just busted through her gut.
Me: We’re done here.
Kevin: If that was my dress I’d put a baby in one of the pockets. Then at the reception I’d shoot it out. And whoever catches it gets pregnant next.
Me: You know what’s weird? You’re kind of making me want a vagina wedding dress.
Kevin: You know what’s weirder? Me too.
Kevin: It’s nice though, because most wedding dresses don’t have pockets. This way she can hold her own gum without asking her husband to hold it for her.
Me: I don’t think I could pull off that look. I’d be like, “Does this vagina make me look fat?” Plus, I don’t have the biceps to go sleeveless.
Kevin: I’m not sure anyone would be looking at your arms when your vagina is being so distracting
Me: True. Plus, the vagina is so enormous it’s sort of slimming. Like wearing vertical stripes.
Kevin: It looks like a cartoon alien just busted through her gut.
Me: We’re done here.
Kevin: If that was my dress I’d put a baby in one of the pockets. Then at the reception I’d shoot it out. And whoever catches it gets pregnant next.
Me: You know what’s weird? You’re kind of making me want a vagina wedding dress.
Kevin: You know what’s weirder? Me too.
Except that it's not a vagina, it's a vulva.
All I can think is, "What would the groom wear?"
And I'm not sure I want to know.
But I love the baby shooting idea! That's the greatest!
"Is that a giant engorged clitoris in your wedding dress or are you just happy to see me?"
Not a vagina, as Kali says, but a vulva. It would be really nice if writers would not perpetuate ignorance. Even if it sounds cute or if your think readers won't understand you, "vagina" is NOT synonymous with vulva or labia. Please learn your parts and refer to them correctly. Your writing is so funny and spot on that it's a shame to mar it with ignorance. You're in a position to educate, so please do so with your wonderful humor while you let the readers know that there is no shame in referring to the sexual parts of their bodies properly.
Thank you.
Since everyone is pointing out that this is a vulva, I'M going to point out, that this vulva is poorly proportioned.
I think this, and the post about vaginoplasty need to go together. I'm pretty sure this dress is the reason for all those surgeries.
I mean, I'm paranoid about my lady parts now after seeing this, so magnified. And lopsided. I mean, it's your wedding dress, c'mon, put some love into it.
Seriously, LearnYournAnatomy, it's a funny post, it's not supposed to be scientifically accurate. And not only is it funny, but I laughed so loud, out loud, I nearly woke my kid up.
WOW! I refuse to believe that someone actually wore that, lol.
On a side note, I did not mind the use of the word "vagina" instead of "vulva"... but that's just me.
+1 for common usage of vagina.
Honest question, LearnYourAnatomy and Kali: When the OED changes their definition of vagina to include the labia, will you be disappointed? Do you agree that they might do so?
Full disclosure: I'm a totally loud fan of the Oxford comma. I'm openly disappointed it's not used in AP style. So, I'm not "better" than any of you.
Where was Bob looking, when he looked at her "vagina?" [https://www.sacerdoti.com/jonathan/vaginas/lookat.html]
"The labia and other parts would be considered parts of the vagina as well in its common usage," from [https://www.tantric-goddess.org/yoni_healing.html]
Thank you, this made my day!
I recognise where it is: that's Glasgow Art School!
Maybe she should have just said "Women's lady parts" to make you all happy. *eye roll* Love the dress. Very funny. Thanks to you two, I know want one, complete with a projectile baby pocket.
does it come with a giant penis fascinator, so she can be a pussy AND a dickhead on her big day?
The husband had better strap a board to his ass so he doesn't fall in!
Can you imagine the posibilites this dress could provide? I love the baby idea, BRILLIANT! now they need a tx with a giant penis and they are in buisness!