A lot of people send me links and stories but the one thing I get the most are horrible tattoo pictures. I always think that nothing can shock me anymore and then I open my mail and see that a stranger has sent me a swastika made of penises. (In tattoo form, that is. They didn’t send me a real swastika made of dismembered penises. Because that would be weird.)

I usually save that sort of stuff for my top-ten-weird-things-people-sent-me-this-month post but lately I’ve had so many horrific sexual tattoo submissions that I’m giving the subject it’s own post. A word of caution: these tattoos are probably not entirely safe for work but they will make you feel really good about your tattoos. Unless you see your tattoos here. In which case, you’re probably not going to like this post.

The Top 12 Most Offensive Tattoos (That People Sent Me This Week.)

1. I’m guessing this is supposed to represent “ants in her pants” but it sort of looks like a spider has laid eggs in your butt-crack.

2. Aw. It’s so nice when people memorialize moms in tattoos. Usually.

3. Awesome. You just made Walt Disney cry.

4. I’m not sure this counts as a tattoo, but… nice butt nipples?

5. Vaginas and Religion: The perfect combination.

6. Seriously. Your boob is not a prop.

7. Oh. Just…no.

8. I don’t even know where to start with this one. Oh wait… Yeah, I do. YOU SPELLED “STARING” WRONG.

9. Nothing says “elegant” like “poopsex” in the mouth. This one is amazingly exactly what it sounds like.

10. How can dolphins and unicorns be “erotic”? They can’t. Wait a minute...

11. He’s either terribly honest or he’s well-hung. Apparently you can’t have both.

12. Well, at least it’s direct.