So, not long ago, we realized that we were about to pass a milestone: our one-year anniversary with the Bloggess. It’s a big deal, right? So what do we do to celebrate?
Well, we admit we knocked a lot of ideas around. Fireworks? No… we can’t be trusted around fireworks (okay, so our probation is almost up). Then we decided to look up the traditional present for first year anniversaries. Paper! Paper?
Well, cardboard is kinda like paper, right? So, we were about to order her a life-size cardboard cutout of William Shatner … but then we got the tip-off she already had, like three of them. WTF? Another brilliant idea shot to hell.
And then someone (who shall remain nameless) said, “Why don’t we invite her to the office and let her be guest editor for a day?”
Maybe we were drinking at the time. It seemed like a really good plan. So we were all happy and like: “Jenny, we lurve you! Please come on down (up, over… where the hell does she live again?) for a visit. We will put you in charge of SexIs! We will give you carte blanche!” (She said she’d rather have Pinot Grigio, but she thought it was a grand idea.)
Well, now of course… the big day is upon us. We’ve sobered up and we’re kinda nervous. I mean, we do LURVE Jenny, but it’s just that she can be… unpredictable. So we were standing around the coffee machine, trying to work out some strategy…
“Well, what do we say when she gets here? ‘Happy Anniversary, your Bloggessness?’”
“Probably not. No.”
“How about, ‘Are you feeling stabby or not stabby?’”
“I don’t think that we can be that obvious. Why don’t you give her a nice hug and pat her down for weapons.”
“How about you do it? You’re the girl. She might think it was sexual harassment if I did it.”
“You’re kidding, right? This is the woman who dressed up like a Japanese prostitute, the gal who waxed poetic about Mr. Jack Mouth with Mustache. Quit being a baby… and don’t pout.”
So… what we finally decided to do was hide. That’s right. Shhh! Be very, very quiet… Maybe if we don’t make a sound, she won’t know we’re…
Uh-oh. Someone is at the door. It’s HER!!! She sees us! There’s no escape! Someone please tell my mom I love her and feed my cats ... The Bloggess is taking over SexIs! Oh, the humanity!
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, YOUR BLOGGESSNESS!
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