BZZZZZaaaaahhhhhhhBZZZZaahhhhh (zzzzzzzzzz)

The things I go through for you. 

Hours upon hours of endless sexual stimulation I put myself through so that you, Discerning Sex Toy Shopper, may be equipped with the most thorough information about each of the products on these virtual shelves. (And when I say 'hours upon hours', I mean at least several minutes, after which I've had my orgasm or two or five and need a nice nap.) It's that kind of thorough dedication to sex toy research that makes me toil on for you. Oh, and the free sex toys.



Now, I'm not one to kiss and tell but this toy, the (Hey, Bob, hand me that peach egg over there under that stack of papers. No, the other stack. Crap, where is it? Hey, hit the bottom button on the peach remote. RRRRRRRRGGGGGGG found it, thanks, it was in my pussy all along!) Passionate Peach Enchanted Egg really is as enchanting as the name would have you believe. And it really does appear to be watertight, which is an occasional issue with eggs (kind of strange since they're intended for insertion into a wet cave). Wider than a typical egg (to accommodate the weird little batteries), it is 2” long and 1 1/4” wide (4 1/2” circumference) with a 4” looped ripcord (aka antenna) which hangs out of your ‘giney, awaiting instructions from the small remote/key chain (which also takes weird batteries, a different size than the egg). The remote has two buttons: Off and Everything Else.

Like probably every remote egg ever made, the manufacturer lies like crazy about its receptiveness. The 20’ range it promises is actually 4’, and that’s within direct line of sight of the toy. Strangely, inside of me and masked by both panties and a skirt, the range wasn’t noticeably diminished but your Remote-Controlling Human certainly couldn’t walk by your office and click you into action, (s)he would pretty much have to be sitting at the same table and the remote would still have to be in line with your hoo-hoo. During my test run, I’d had it in use for perhaps a half hour, then switched it off. Then it switched itself back on, stopped accepting instructions from the remote and went rogue, switching modes randomly, “egged” on by my movement. I was not in a place where I could remove it so had to let it continue for another hour or so; repeated attempts to click it off failed. When I finally removed it (and had to remove the batteries to turn it off), the batteries were hot, which thankfully had not radiated through the toy’s walls. After this episode, that set of batteries no longer worked, which was a short life. But this isn’t an “everyday” toy, and it does come with two sets of batteries.

As far as noise, I’ve never had a toy that was so quiet yet packed so much punch. Even within a very quiet environment, I couldn’t hear it on any of its settings, and some of them feel quite rowdy. It’s unlikely it would ever bring me to orgasm but it made me very horny and felt like...well, say a car pulls up next to you with booming base, you know how your ‘giney walls shake in time to the booms, and get you worked up? It has settings like that, and settings that emulate the predictable buzz of a typical egg.

It occurred to me it could be interesting to have sex with it in, although the antenna is a little too long/thick to be turned around and hidden up against the cervix, so that might wind up being uncomfortable for the man, and he may not even enjoy his head bouncing up against something bouncy. (Then again, I don’t know your man, maybe he’d love that.)

Now, I didn’t count 10 settings, but I didn’t test that until the day after it went all goofy. So maybe it originally had 10 but I only came up with 8. Guide to the settings:

1: regular buzz
2: stronger buzz
3: even stronger buzz
4: pulse
5: pulse/irregular intervals
6: buzz for a few seconds, pulse for a few seconds (cycles)
7: regular buzz, then stronger buzz, then fluttering pulse
8: 9 intensities of buzz, cycling from low to high (and repeating)