The Ultimate Massager is my third toy now (first two being the High Intensity Bullet and the Iconic Bullet) and it is quickly becoming my favorite - not for its multiple speeds and patterns, not for its texture, but for the fact that it has strong, deep vibrations. I wouldn't say it's the most rumbly thing I have ever used as a sex toy, but its vibrations are much deeper than either of the bullets, at least on some of the settings.

The sensation and orgasm I get from this toy is quite different from what I am used to. Because the toy seems to be about 50% "buzzy" and 50% "rumbly," it's both deep and at the same time . . . light. It isn't ticklish, but there's a unique fluttery feeling that I have never felt from using my hands.

The toy is a phthalates and latex free plastic; it's also hypo-allergenic. The vibrating end of the toy has a subtly velvet (but plastic) feel to it and the handle has a smooth plastic casing. On the front of the handle, there are raised heart shapes and a small arrow that points to the on/off button (more on that in the function/controls section) and on the back there are ridges to allow for a better grip. The back also has raised text that says "made in China, uses 1XAA size battery," but I don't notice it when I'm holding the toy.

The head of the vibe has three metal balls; it also comes with three textured and one non-textured cap. Without the caps, the metal balls tickle me more than arouse me, so I never use the toy without "my" cap on.

The toy comes with four plastic caps, but I only use one. Two of the caps have pointed ends on them - one has a few large pointed ends, the other has a bunch of small pointed ends. If I turn the toy on and just let it vibrate on my lips, it doesn't hurt, but if I slid the vibrator around even a little bit or apply too much pressure, it causes uncomfortable poking sensations. Needless to say, I don't plan on using either of these heads.

The third head is flat and has six slightly raised circles on it. It doesn't really do much for my clit, possibly because of the way I like to hold the toy (on its side, as opposed to directly on), but I like to use it when running the toy across my skin.

The last head is the one I use for clitoral stimulation. It's just a basic round cap, adding approximately half a centimeter to the length of the toy. It gives me the ability to roll the head around on my clit and hold it in different positions.

Being someone who lives in a dormitory, discreetness is something that is of serious concern for me. After noise level and vibration type (rumbly), the appearance is the next most important thing. I can't say that everyone's first guess upon looking at this object would be "sex toy," but I think I'd have to put on a pretty good show to convince someone that it wasn't. This is not a toy that I plan on taking home with me during the summer because my family is pretty nosy and would be curious about what it was.

The toy itself is about the same length as a pen (5 inches) although it's a lot wider than one (circumference is about 3.25 inches).

The first step in using this toy requires putting a double AA battery in it. Opening it is the easy part - holding the handle in your right hand and the head in your left, you just turn your left hand to the right to unscrew it. Between this step and the second step, which is putting it together again and turning it back on, I have discovered that this toy is not idiot-proof: I kept putting the top on backwards.

To turn the toy on, you must rotate the top piece (or bottom piece, whatever), so that the arrow on the handle piece points to the word "ON." Turning the toy to the left a bit turns the toy "OFF," and turning it a bit more positions the arrow under the word "OPEN," allowing you to take the top half off. I do this whenever I'm done with the toy to remove the battery, as I heard that taking the battery out of a toy makes it last longer.

When the vibe is in the on position, you can use the button at the end of the toy to cycle through the various patterns, of which there are ten. Asterisks denote the ones I use the most:

1. Steady: Lowest intensity.
2. Steady: Medium intensity.*
3. Steady: Highest intensity.*
4. Pulsating: Quick, successive pulses.*
5. Pulsating: Alternating long and short pulse.
6. Pulsating: Two short pulses, one long one.
7. Escalating/Pulsating: Five pulses in increasing intensity, repeats from weakest starting point.
8. Semi-Rollercoaster: Continuous escalation from low to high intensity with a few pulses in between, repeats from weakest starting point.
9. Rollercoaster: Continuous escalation from low to high, then high to low (then low to high, etc).*
10. Escalating/Pulsating/Semi-Rollercoaster: Three intensifying pulses followed by continuous escalation from low to high intensity.
11. Nothing.

If you are not used to patterns or sensations, they might take some getting used to. When I first started writing this review, I had been planning to say that I only used the two steady intensity settings. However, after further experimentation on a day that I had lots of free time, I found that I enjoyed two of the other settings - number 4 and number 9 (especially number 9).

You can turn the toy off in one of two ways - cycling through the settings with the button at the end of the handle or twisting the toy until it's in the "off" setting. I use this method when I want to get from, say, pattern 4 to pattern 2.

This toy is pleasingly quiet: On all settings, I would give it two bees. I'm not at all uncomfortable with using this above the covers as long as my door is closed.

The reason that I got this toy was because my first two toys were really very buzzy and I found that this type of high-frequency sensation really didn't do it for me. Before getting a more expensive, deep/rumbly vibrating toy, I wanted something cheaper to test out that fell into the category of "rumbly vibrations." This toy would definitely did that. On a scale from 1 to 10, one being the buzziest (High Intensity Bullet) to 10, the rumbliest, I would give this a 6-7.

To be perfectly honest, I really don't "store" my toy in anything because I don't have anything to store it in or anywhere to put it. I just stick it in the back of my bottom desk drawer. If the toy doesn't like it, well, tough.

This vibrator is plastic and like most plastic things, it's easy to clean. The toy is water-proof, so washing it with soap and warm water would be fine; I soak the cap I use in warm water when I'm done and for the rest of the toy, I use anti-bacterial wipes after use (and before use if I haven't played with the toy in a several days).

I don't use lubricants when playing, but from the research I've done, plastic is generally compatible with all types of lubricants (water, oil, silicone based) and toys. I would say that, overall, this is a pretty low maintenance toy. The only bothersome thing is keeping back of the four caps (although I'm eventually going to get rid of the ones I don't use. Eventually).

The toy comes in a typical plastic casing which was surprisingly easy to open; however, I wouldn't use the packaging for storage because once I took the toy out, I couldn't really seal it back up all the way. I could see how dust could fill up in the crevices, so I just decided to get rid of it.

The toy doesn't come with instructions, unfortunately, and I had a little bit of trouble figuring out how to turn the toy on (refer back to functions/controls). However, the vibe is pretty simple to use, even without instructions, so I think this would be a good gift or toy for a beginner.