The Tango, a traditional and semi-realistic vibrator made by Penthouse, is huge. It’s enormous. It’s certainly more than enough for my needs in the girth and length departments. It also smells overwhelmingly of rubber and is a startlingly bright, sparkly orange.

The Tango is, at first glance, blatantly intimidating. It is shaped quite like a penis, with a defined head and raised veins along the shaft, and a large bulge at the base. Made of gelatin rubber (is that a euphemism for “jelly”?), the Tango is “squishy” at the top half of the shaft, and much firmer toward the base. It is a multispeed vibrator, takes two double A’s, and is NOT waterproof.

I had to use a great deal of lubricant and a lot of dirty thoughts to even try to slide the Tango inside of me: in fact, I found it uncomfortable. My pussy, wet as it was, was not happy to have this enormous thing trying to push its way inside! Still, I persisted, and eventually the head slid in. The rule of the evening seemed to be “more lube!” Eventually, though, I did manage to fit most of the Tango inside, and I immediately turned the vibrator up higher to see what it could do.

The Tango’s volume is somewhat deceiving at higher speeds. The vibrations are mostly in the wide base, which I imagine is for clitoral stimulation; unfortunately my body was at its limits, and I achieved only limited pleasure from the vibrations. Still, once I got used to it, the Tango was so deliciously filling. Despite being wet in my own right and covered in lube however, the Tango was painful rather than pleasurable when I tried to fuck it, no matter my position. I eventually gave up for fear of doing actual damage.

The Tango|The Tango is clearly not for a beginner; if, however, you like a big, filling toy and can get around the large, disembodied orange cock look, then this vibrator might just be the right dancing partner for you. Still, my personal size preferences aside, its poorly positioned vibrations and its smell make this vibrator lose points. From an aesthetic point of view, the Tango has a number of air bubbles in the rubber; on mine in particular said rubber has come away from the base on one side, exposing what looks like Styrofoam packing material. It would appear that the bottom half of the Tango is made of this stuff.