David actually called me at work to tell me that our new toy had arrived; his boyish enthusiasm was really over the size of the Art Deco Dong. He told me, “I can’t wait to see you use this one!”

I came home expecting a dildo I could set on the floor and still use standing up. My assumption gone awry, the vibrator is still impressive, standing a foot tall and colored with purple and silver spirals. Upon initial glimpse, it appears that the whole vibrator is meant to be inserted, but actually there is a wire attached to the middle part of the phallus that connects a remote that requires two AA batteries. This remote has a simple dial on it that changes the vibrations.

The vibrator itself is made from crystalessence. It is a simple design, but one that works efficiently without all the frills of extra clit stimulators or bunny motifs.

 I enjoyed having such a long and sturdy base that I could really wrap my hands around while moving the head of the Art Deco Dong around my genital region. The tip makes a firm but gentle clit simulator, and that’s where I found the most pleasure. Upon vaginal entry, it feels exquisitely hard and is quite long; I enjoyed making it go as deep as I could bear. Also, appearance-wise, I enjoyed the fact that the base is shaped into a silver ball sack, and the head is lined with veins and is a perfect little mushroom cap.

 I give the Art Deco Dong two stars, not for being incredibly original or modern but really just for having the necessary functions to get me to orgasm. Although that is key in the rating system; I can get off with my fingers, and I don’t need to purchase them. As far as vibrations go, the intensity was minimal but good. I had the dial all the way up and found that perfect, and when inside, the sensations were exactly where they needed to be. I give the Dong two bees as the sound was minuscule, which is ideal. So all in all, I took gratification in the Art Deco Dong, but found that it doesn’t really live up to its name.