Two days after I was notified it was being shipped, the Tongue Joy Turbo Pack|Vibrator kits: TongueJoy turbo pack was waiting for me on my front porch when I arrived home from work. I was anxious to try it but, as I wouldn’t be seeing my boyfriend for 3 more days, that pleasure would have to wait. Once settled, I opened the box and, seeing the amount of packing material, realized nothing was going to damage this item in shipping.

The Tongue Joy comes unassembled and was a bit confusing until I read the instructions. Then everything went together easily. It comes with a cute zippered pouch that snaps and holds everything. The vibrator in the basic unit uses 2 small watch batteries (4 come with it). The basic unit is a small metal cylinder. A round shaft screws into its lengthwise side. When screwed all the way in the vibrations begin. The vibrations produced are amazing for something so small. And the noise level? Might as well be non-existent. The hand held battery pack accessory has a power control slide switch with a wire going to the metal cylinder that attaches to the main unit in place of the metal cylinder. It uses 2 double A batteries (not included).

There are 3 Silicone sleeves with varied surfaces that fit over the rounded metal protrusion. The 3 different sized elastic rings attach to the unit and slide over the tongue. There is also a metal barbell that screws onto the vibrator body if your tongue is pierced. So far, everything worked great. Now came the moment of truth… putting into practice.

This is where the whole house of cards fell apart. We tried using it 50 different ways from Sunday. We put the whole attachment in our mouths as shown on the diagram. The human tongue is not designed to hold rubber rings. They do not stay where you put them. No matter what position. No matter what, we ended up with the unit vibrating against our teeth. If you have a pierced tongue I think it would work great. We tried holding it in the hand and applying it manually but it became too slippery. The best results were realized when I placed the vibrator section against my partner’s perineum while performing oral sex. Now this made certain body parts stand at attention and salute the flag but it was not what the toy was designed for.

My overall rating for the Tongue Joy is a 3 and that’s due mainly to the intensity of the vibration and the non-existent noise level. I give it 4 Vrooms and 1 Bee.