Now that my toy box is all the way up to four (yay!), I take to the keyboard once again. The Luxe Squirmy has some amazing points, and some drawbacks. I personally feel the pros far outweigh the cons, but I will be totally honest about both, and you can make up your own mind.

To get the unpleasant out of the way first: this toy is loud. Really loud. And not with a sexy humming sort of sound. It sounds kind of like a cross between a blender and a very tiny lawnmower. The beads click, the head whirs and whines, and the bullet buzzes like a swarm of bees. Definitely not the most erotic noise you'll ever hear, but a few steps above a moderately quiet electric drill. Second, it can be difficult to clean. The lovely little ridges under the head love to trap moisture, either from play or from attempts to wash the thing, and must be wiped carefully. Thirdly, the back of the battery case is not the most sturdy thing I've ever come across. The casing has slipped right off while I've been adjusting myself, and having to turn off a vibe to put the back of the battery case back on is a hassle. On a safety standpoint, the material is not the best, and cannot be sterilized, and thus should not be shared without using a condom. From a marketing standpoint "Squirmy" just doesn't sound sexy at all. But then, what word for "rotate" does sound sexy? From a personal standpoint, what in the world is the little face on the rabbit ears supposed to be? A cat? Some sort of goblin? I always feel vaguely wrong having that weird little face staring up at me.

Okay, so those are the negatives. The biggest positive: this toy feels absolutely incredible. When I first used it, I didn't have to do anything but turn it on - I lay down, turned it up, and just had orgasm after orgasm. Maybe it's my own sensitivity, but the rotating head gave me some truly intense orgasms, even an anal orgasm or two as it rubbed against the oft-neglected back vaginal wall (because after you find the G-spot, who pays attention to the other side?). It's not too powerful for a novice like me, but I don't imagine a more experienced user would be disappointed. Another reviewer compared this toy to a vaginal massager, and that is rather what it felt like for me in between orgasms. It was soothing and invigorating, and felt so wonderful that I was tempted to leave it in for longer than I really had time for. This is my favorite toy now, and if I didn't have other responsibilities (and roommates who might hear the little lawnmower sound), I would probably be using it for half an hour or so every night. It's not too firm that insertion is difficult, but not too squishy. I would characterize the material as pleasantly springy to the touch, and the rabbit-cat-goblin is very adjustable, to reach differently set clitorises. It has a very simple control panel, that offers a great amount of variety. After the on-off switch, the rotation and the bullet work on different speed dial controls, and there's a button that lets you decide if you want it circling clockwise or counter-clockwise. I can't honestly say either way is better, but it does make for an interesting sensation to suddenly switch directions. It's also not a toy that switches itself off easily just when things are getting good. And, I must say, the first time I saw the head rotating, I got tingles. Tingles which were well justified. I'm quite satisfied with it for my introduction to rabbit vibrators, and I'm sure I'm going to continue being impressed with it. My only real problem with the thing is the crazy noise it makes, but there are much worse things. If you don't need to be discreet, or have a good, loud stereo, it isn't really worth worrying about.

It seems the rest of my review is almost all warning, but I would be doing a disservice as a reviewer if I didn't give this toy high marks for the quality and quantity of the orgasms I have with it. Getting a little medically graphic, it has helped ease PMS cramps, and given that I'm on prescription medication for those, that's saying a lot.

My favorite use for this toy is to turn on some beautiful music rather loudly to drown out the mechanical noise, lie down on my stomach, and just let it writhe away. No need for thrusting or much adjusting after the first minute or so, and I can just lie there are be whisked off on the incredible sensations pulsing through my body. I imagine the only thing that would feel better would be having a lover massaging the rest of me while the Squirmy was running.

And, again, hoping I'm not getting gross, but my inner cramps dissolved after a session, when they can usually have me bed-ridden in agony. So, I think I would recommend it to other women who suffer from premenstrual cramps. Might as well have some pleasure that no dose of Midol can provide.