I think I may have been spoiled. In fact, I know I've been spoiled. The Akmeo by SinFive|SinFive Akmeo does what it's supposed to do, which is vibrate against my clit or my g-spot and give me an orgasm or five--and if that's all I wanted, I'd be very happy. Once upon a time, a toy that got me to orgasm was all I wanted! But these days, I expect more.

What do I expect? Well, I expect pretty packaging--and the Akmeo does have that. No trampy bottle-blondes with scary genitals on this box; instead there was a life-size picture of the vibrator in question, a 'Luxuria' tattoo-type illustration, and the name of the company and toy. It looked classy. Inside was a slide-out case with the toy nestled within, all looking good enough to eat.

Which was unsurprising, as the Akmeo I received was 'candy floss' colour. If you're a fan of pink, then this is a good toy for you--unfortunately, it's not my colour at all, and to my eyes seemed more like a skinned rabbit than flossy candy. Still, sex toy receivers can't always be choosers.

I also, these days, expect some decent instructions with my toys. Either on the packaging or wrapped with the toy itself, I like something that tells me the material, the battery requirements, and how to use the thing. Sure, it may be simple enough to figure out, but I like having something to read. I'm strange like that. The Akmeo? Well. The box informed me that the toy was made in Germany; offered 'certified physical compatibility' of the materials used (but not what the materials actually were: it's made of thermoplastic rubber); and that it was sold as a novelty only. The tag attached to the vibrator added a little more: that a 5 year warranty was possible; and that it was waterproof, easy to take care of, and quiet.

So what was missing? Well, looking at the toy, I figured out for myself where to put the batteries (although it was a guess as to which way around they went), and I had to experiment to figure out how to work the easy-touch controls. How many speeds? How to turn it off? How to work through the options? That was all trial and error, and I felt it was a damned shame that they had to made me work so hard--I just wanted to turn it on and orgasm.

A little lube, fresh batteries, ramping the vibrations up to maximum and rubbing on my clitoris with what I thought of as the 'dolphin nose'--yes, this toy got me off just fine. A little more lube, some insertion, and my G-spot liked it well enough too. Having it under the covers meant I didn't need to see the colour (and I ignored those easy-touch controls and kept the vibes on maximum). So I orgasmed. Well and good.

After use, however, I became more unsure about this material. I've been spoiled by silicone and glass and stainless steel (oh, woes). When I went to put it away, I wondered if I had used it a little hard on my clit, as the rubber at the end of the nose had become unsmooth, leaving a small indentation and ruched material.

So yes. The Akmeo is okay. It stands on my bedside table (yes, it's a toy that actually stands up), and I even use it once in a while. But it's not my favourite vibrator, or even one of my top five (for all that it's a SinFive). It gets me off. But it's not very exciting.