So I bought this little French Lover, with the hopes that it would be the most fantastic fuck time toy because I have had no attention from my partner. Our lives the last two years, have not been satisfying in the bedroom - so you can imagine why I thought this one would really rock my world. I wanted something that would nestle up against my clit, maybe even provide a little suction. I wanted a smooth shaft - because speed bumps piss me off - not make me relax - and hey, that thing on the back side? Well, if I didn't like it, I could just push it out of the way, right? Or, maybe it might be fun.


Design Impressions
First off - when it's late, late at night and it's the only time to sleepily try to take care of yourself, you aren't thinking about how clean you are. This material STAINS QUICKLY. So if you don't want it to look gross, clean yourself thoroughly, use it and clean it up thoroughly RIGHT after using it. Second off - The tip of the main shaft is not exactly smooth. It has a dip down in the center of the 'head' with what can only amount to a ridge of low spikes in the style of a mohawk. Third off - The 'cup' isn't as squishy as I would have liked to nestle it up against my clit. It's a little deeper than I imagined from the images and what the hell are those things inside it!? More spikes!? These spikes are the same TPR material as the rest of the body and they aren't exactly sharp, but when you put them to your nerve tips, they feel like they are!

Dimensions - I don't have the toy to measure and I believe I've seen that around in product descriptions, but it is NOT a small toy. It's fairly large because of all that it has to offer. The shaft itself is pretty weighty, which I liked a lot and was one of the points of purchase for me.

The cup will fit probably the front half of your thumb into it, so it isn't small - but it's not 'squishy'. It squishes if you push on it, but it will feel a little 'hard' to your clitoris when you get into playing with this which is sad because the anal probe really doesn't stand up as firm. I Believe this is due to the nature of the shape of the material, and how much is or is not supporting the rest of the individual structures.


RECOMMENDATION LEVEL:

If you have saved up for a good-time toy because you normally can't spend this much - don't do it.
If the cost isn't a big deal to you and you want to try something new and see if it frosts your cupcakes, then go for it.

I don't think it's a total waste of money, but I do think a few design changes would really benefit this toy. The strength of the vibes was awesome.

If you're a beginner, this one might scare you. If you're advanced, you may know better than I how to get this French lover to kiss you better.

The clit cup DOES provide suction! So much though, that unless you're revved up pretty high before starting with this toy, you are probably going to feel like you just mounted a lamprey vacuum. If you try to thrust at all with the main portion, you're yanking on your clit. If you push forward, those spikes er.. I will use the term very loosely.. "Massage" you (Read: Jab your most sensitive bits!) The Mohawk spikes on the shaft don't stick out beyond the shape of the head, but I really didn't notice a big impression with them and/or my experience with the other two areas meant my brain was split with the other sensations going on. The girth was nice and the smoothness, or at least lack of super extreme road bumps, was pleasant.

Now, about that anal thing...I'm a bit of a big girl and this thing was floppy, which was good because it was softer than the rest of it - but bad because it wouldn't stay inside unless I didn't have the toy just jammed into me in order to push it up into place. I wasn't looking for attention back there, so I eventually just tried to push it away and pin it back against the bed while I focused on getting other areas taken care of.

I was overall happy with the TPR material it is made of, but it was harder than I wanted (though the tail piece was softer than I wanted) and I just wanted a smooth ride for the main section because I like to thrust, even just a little.

Occasionally I would get poked up the rear, but if I tried to utilize it, it wouldn't stay in! I tried to thrust, which meant I had to pull it away, and the suction from the clit arm was so strong, it yanked on my clit. When I pushed the toy in, the clit cup spikes would prod me in the clit and squish my flesh in tighter. Then, on the pull back for another thrust, the suction was increased!

After about 5 minutes, I gave up and went back to my usual toy and got revved up to the point where pain is pleasurable and tried again.

I haven't done a review in a couple years, because of my living situation, but I saw I was able to post a review of this one and I knew I had to recall my experience because I just recently committed to throwing the bastard out. I think I paid $160 for it and I just threw it out. I was so disappointed with the whole experience, so I wanted it as far away from me as possible. Would I try this toy again in the future? Maybe, but I was so frustrated with this experience that I repeated the experiment three separate times hoping not to give up on it so easily. I am okay with just chucking it out.