You know when you go to get a pedicure, and they put you in those massage chairs that roll and pulsate and vibrate like crazy, and you wish they made one for your clit? Well apparently, they do. And it’s this toy. I was excited to get the Self-lubricating roller tip massager because it is a sex toy I had my eye on. I opened it right away, and was surprised firstly by its size. It’s about the size of my hand, from my middle finger to thumb. Another surprise was its power: it runs on four watch batteries. If my watch could do the things this thing does, I’d be set for life. And, my favorite feature of all; it is waterproof.

 I’ve never had a waterproof sex toy before, and I admit that I was a little wary of submersing my new best friend for fear it would break. Nevertheless, I ran myself a hot bubble bath, and put the roller tip massager to work. I fell in love with each setting (a few reminded me of garden sprinklers!) as I rolled through them (no pun intended). The toy also has the ease of navigating: no crazy twenty buttons to switch through or figure out in the heat of the moment, just one simple, easy to reach (no matter what position you’re in) button to make your way through all eight settings.

 I carried it in my purse for several days. I spilled the entire contents of my bag the third day carrying it, and here is another plus: the toy is extremely discreet. Even when uncapped, I quickly covered by saying, “It’s lipgloss. Don’t use it, I get cold sores.” When the device is powered on, I told people, “It’s a portable massager,” and rubbed their backs for a few seconds before hiding the toy away. The long and short of it is there aren’t enough hours in the day to play with this sex toy. I’m not even looking for a boyfriend anymore. My life is complete.