If you look in my top drawer (or in my bottom drawer or in the bedside box or on the bookshelf or in my purse) you'll see I'm a fan of the "good things come in small packages" school of thinking on vibrators. I like my bullets. Love 'em. Some more than others. Pocket rocket, flicker, bullet, egg, micro-vibe, mini vibe, whatever you wanna call it. I call it true love.

Vagina penetration can be more yawn inspiring than yoni inspiring for me. So I like the itty bitty clitty vibes. Particularly one that's strong enough to get the job done but not so vigorous that it feels like being stroked with a jackhammer. I wanna cum. Not tear up concrete.

I'm slow to orgasm and often rush myself so I tend to be fearful of hard plastics. Doc Johnson was particularly notorious for the modeled plastics with the sharp edges that haven't been sanded off. I had enough "paper cut" style injuries in the 80s to make me forever leery. Hard edges and/or weak batteries can spoil a romantic evening for one. So I'm not sure I would have bought this fella for myself. (On the other hand, I am a sucker for kitsch. If a toy is cute or has a face, it's probably buzzed me.)

I won this in a raffle. It won me over shortly after.

The pulsing feature is to die for. Multiple pulse settings. One of the problems with push button is that they can be insensitive and refuse to respond to the finger pushing -or too sensitive, and simply turn themselves off when smacked with a strong muscle spasm... or the finger of a helpful friend. I found this one easy to push-change whenever I wanted a different rhythm without accidentally getting radio silence.

You literally can wear this little gem around your neck without attracting suspicion since it's appearance isn't dildo-esque. But I suspect that the smug grin on your face will give you away.

It shouldn't be submerged. Like most mini vibes it's best as a one person toy. It's not dishwasher safe. Clean it with a wet wipe after each use to keep it sterile and avoid reintroducing bacteria. If you are sharing or particularly germaphobic then consider Cavicide or a medical wipe. For personal use, a baby wipe or alcohol wipe or a damp cloth with antibacterial soap is sufficient.

I would advise against using any non-dishwasher safe toy for both anal and vaginal use. These vibes are small and cheap. Get several.

In sharing small and very small toys, a condom can be difficult to use. It may roll off, be too lubricated, etc. In that case, use a finger cot... or use the finger of a glove.

The pirate vibe was comfortable enough that I actually fell asleep after orgasm to its lightly buzzing lullaby. Of course, I woke up to dead batteries. But it was tucked in so happily, I had completely forgotten I was wearing it until my girlfriend said "what is that necklace dangling out of your vag?"

"What?"

A quick tug on her part and it all came back to me. Explosively.

I think I should get a bunch of these medallions for my pirate wench crew! I'm very afraid they will wander off like misspent doubloons, now that the movie they are tied to is no longer being promoted. If you see us in our swashbuckling garb at a pizza place near you, check out our sexy necks. The musky scented pendants dangling above the cleavage is a sign we've been doing more below deck than sword practice.

Note to Admiral Marva: shall we buy in bulk or simply attack the headquarters of Digital Playground?