What is this here, and why are you telling me about it?

These are what I would classify as a functional novelty product. Being shaped like drumsticks they're clearly not your typical vibrator design, but they function just as well as any "traditional" vibrator might. It's also "personalized" by Phil Varone, who some of you might recognize as the drummer for Skid Row and Saigon Kick.

What dose the packaging look like?

Something that would be right at home on a shelf in an adult store really. It says "Sex Stix" all over it and makes witty music puns, as well as explains a little bit about Phil Varone. It gives you an idea of what to expect from the vibes, but not what it's made out of or what batteries it might take.

Ok, so we pull out the contents. Explain them to us.

Sure thing. Inside you'll find two vibrators shaped like drum sticks. They're more stylized than realistic since they're both shorter and girthier than actual drum sticks. They come inside of a plastic bag that has a small piece of paper that tells you that you need 2 AAA batteries to run your music makers. They're each made of a hard plastic that has no scent or taste. There's a smooth glossy finish so if you're already lubricated you may not need any assistance.

The stix themselves are each about 7 1/2" long, 3 1/4" around the head, and 2 1/2" around the shaft. The bottom cap on each is about an inch long, and also features the dial that controls the strength of the vibrations. The only difference between the two is that one is "signed" by Phil and the other isn't. About an inch below the 1 1/3" long head is a break that appears to be an o-ring, although it doesn't appear to have a purpose. At the base where the battery cap connects to the rest of the stick there's another o-ring designed to keep water out. One of my stix does that thing where it twists, secures, and then if you twist any harder it pops off and you have to start over again. If yours does that, don't take that one anywhere near water except to clean it.

what are the vibrations like?

I'd put them on par with just about every other "traditional" vibe out there, with the Doc Johnson Velvet Touch being the first thing I think of when turning these on. The vibrations are a gradual thing, easing from one level to the next without having any real defining moments aside from "off" and "there is no more." The lowest setting can be a bit hand numbing but still feels deep and rumbly, and the highest setting feels more buzzy while still being a bit hand numbing. The noise level is nothing extraordinary. They're louder than a cell phone, but I'd still shut the door and maybe turn on the TV and radio.

What exactly can I use them for?

Pretty much anything but anal. Since there isn't a flared base and they can't be sterilized, they should be left for things like vaginal play, clitoral play, nipple play, and being used as drum sticks on your lover's body.

Neat. How do I take care of them?

You can wash them with warm soapy water, or clean them with a wipe or spray. I wouldn't recommend sharing them, but since there are two you can each have one! If you do decide you need lube you can use pretty much any body safe lube you want, just check for compatibility first.

Got any pictures?

Yep! Here are a few for you that show your Sex Stix, along with a closeup of Phil's signature and the faux wood grain.

When these showed up in my assignment cart, I couldn't pass them up. I just love little novelty things like this, and soon they were on their way to me. The one that's got the janky water bottle cap thing going on is a bit hit and miss as for how it works, but the other one hasn't presented me with any real problems as of yet. My husband thinks they're funny and we've had fun using them as drum sticks as well as vibrators.