The First Time Softee Lover is a waterproof vibe that is more or less like a regular plastic vibe that they've given a creepy nasty rubber-gel winter coat. Designed for those who may not like the sensation of a hard pointy tip on their clit, and may want a slightly more realistic feeling piece. It is gentle, uniquely textured...but just a little odd.

So this is TPE we're dealing with. It's a rubber type material that feels a lot like jelly, if you've ever come into contact with that material (and I'm sorry if you have.) What they've done here is taken a plain jane skinny plastic vibe and thrown a big squishy TPE "condom" on it to make it all "softee." Great idea. Horrible execution in that it could have been done with a better material.

The texture is smooth, but sticky. Sticky in that when I gave it the old "roll it on the carpet" test, it picked up dirt, fuzz and cat hair. And I do not own a cat. YUCK!

It has a vague plastic smell, and an odd chemical feel. Not like a lot of other better quality toys that are made to feel "soft" and pull it off a bit better. This is kind of like fucking yourself with a quarter machine bouncy ball.

If that's not bad enough, pushing the TPE cover around with your finger makes it look like there's a weird milky liquid inside, even though it's just the hot mess of gunky translucent material rubbing against the hard plastic. Totally off putting.

The unique swirl design in the TPE cover adds a bit of an interesting feel to the toy if used for insertion. Also the toy is fairly slender. The trouble is that you may not want to be putting this anywhere near your goods, even if the design and shape is something you're attracted to in this toy.

Perhaps all things considered, this should be a bath toy ONLY and cleaned very well after use.

It has a run of the mill turn dial base control that gradually brings you up to speed. It gives off a medium gentle vibration, as the motor is somewhere in the tip of the plastic toy, but there is about a half inch of ooey-gooey layering over it.

Here's a laugh. Take the cover off of the toy and listen to the strange hungry baby goat whine the motor makes. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

The cover keeps the noise level to a minimum, so if you choose to use the toy without the cover, be sure to turn on some music or something if you're trying to be discreet. It's loud and you'll totally tip off your roomies as to what you're doing. And nobody wants the "are you getting off with a cheap vibrator in there or feeding a hungry baby goat" knock at the door. Believe me.

You know what else it sounds like? Have you ever played the game "Operation?" Yeah

As I said before, this may make a better bath friend than a bed friend. Mostly because it will collect cat hair even if you don't have cats, and that's just plain wrong.

You can remove the TPE cover and wash it with regular hot soapy water, but be careful because TPE is porous and cannot be fully disinfected. Should this end up being a toy that you share, you definitely want to use a condom.

Use water or silicone based lube only.