Well, hello there, tall, dark, and handsome.

I've been on the hunt for a new wand after my old, long-time favorite's cord wore out. While I thoroughly enjoyed that wand, I was determined to find something from this decade, something rechargeable, something sleek. An upgrade has been a long time coming. And Maximus has come along at just the right time!

This is mostly an aside, but it actually arrived to me a full two days early! So, thank you to Eden and my local postal service for saving me from a weekend of unbearable anticipation ("Oh yes, wait a minute, Mr. Postman~"). And, as expected, plain brown box, with the Web Merchants label.

Eden's packaging has little rhyme or reason, it appears, other than maybe size and price determine the amount and quality of it. Maximus' packaging is simple, just enough to keep it relatively safe and clean. Not unappealing, but not branded, not luxuriant like some other manufacturers, just practical. I think I still wish toys would arrive in something with form AND function, something I don't just toss in the bin, something I could reasonably store my more expensive toys in, at the very least. But this review isn't about standard packaging practices and good design.



It's about Maximus.

Maximus feels great to the touch. Smooth, glossy plastic body, soft velvety silicone head and buttons, it's wonderful in-hand. I didn't realize just how heavy my old wand was until I had this one in my hands-- the body of it is very light, while the head is still nice and substantial (too light just wouldn't feel quite right). A slim, light handle means less wrist and hand strain, while the heavier head still rests firm and sturdy against the body. The neck of the toy also has a little bend and flex to it, something I prefer a wand to have.



For a little while, I sulked over how few wands opt for the dial over buttons. While my old wand had its shortcomings, I didn't think that the dial was one. Being able to turn a dial meant there was a smooth gradient from low to high vibes. With buttons, you have clearly defined levels and jumps. Having said this, however, I'm actually not unhappy with Maximus' buttons and vibes. It has five levels (though, when you turn it on, it starts in the middle?), and then after those, it actually has five patterns programmed in. While I understand the need sometimes, I'm not the biggest fan of single buttons that cycle through a list, so I was grateful that Maximus has two buttons, just up and down, and then a separate button for off and on. Easy and intuitive enough that I have no complaints. Maybe a little nitpick about buttons and physical feedback as a design philosophy (i.e. the 'negative' and 'positive' signs on the button control should be raised, not embossed, so they can be felt and told apart without seeing them), but like, whatever man.



The magnetic charging cable set-up is nice because it allows this toy to be waterproof, and there's no worrying about any USB input getting worn or broken on the toy. The magnets aren't strong enough to really trust that it will remain attached, however. When I first plugged it up, I had to make very sure that it actually connected (the on/off button will light up if it's charging, which is good), and that the toy wouldn't just roll away (legitimately a small challenge). I'm currently brainstorming some kind of DIY perch for Maximus that will keep everything secure while it charges, so perhaps I'll provide an update if I come up with anything good.

So I mentioned briefly... Maximus is waterproof!

Normally, I'm not so excited by this, plenty of toys are waterproof these days, wands included, but I've needed a nice, long bath for a hot minute, and wands are my bread and butter, the type of toy that completely dominates my masturbatory habits, the one that gets me GOING. So, Maximus and I take a bath.

I mean, if an orgasm in bed is good, then an orgasm while relaxing in a hot bath? I'm sure I had a little glow for a while after.

Another measure for how much I like my wands is actually not how much it can please me sexually, but... can I use it on my aches and pains? Can I curl around it while I'm on my period? Will it help the knot in my shoulder, help me relax when I'm tense? The one I had before was great, since being corded meant it could just go on, and on, and on, and it was powerful enough to shake and vibe away all my little hurts and cramps and whatnot.

Maximus is okay at it! A perfectly capable successor, with strong vibes that can reach nice and deep into the muscle, a long handle to reach my back and shoulders just fine, no cable to worry about. I have a particular spot between my shoulder blades that flares up every so often, and Maximus brought me some relief with relative ease. So far, I've never reached its limits as far as holding its charge, with a nice long four-hour wait to get a complete charge, so it seems capable of going for quite a while.

This is a totally silly, tangential analogy, but I feel like a recent widow who's been afraid to jump back into a commitment, and then wonderful, dashing Maximus comes along, and I learn to fall in love again, and while he can never replace my dearly departed partner, this love is new and refreshing and different, but just as important and fulfilling. You know, something relatable that we've all felt before!

I like that it has a name, because I do in fact call it Maximus, even when talking to my partner.