The Hitachi magic wand looks like your mother’s vibrator – or possibly your grandmother’s. Big, white, and with a massive round head, this massager is in no way, shape or form discreet. It is big, it is loud, and the whole thing heats up when left on for too long. You can’t insert it (unless you have the proper attachments, of course), and it only has two speeds.

It is also completely and utterly awesome - and that, my friends, almost completely makes up for the fact that it sounds like a power tool. The absurdly loud noises that emanate from the Hitachi are matched by the kind of powerful vibrations that can only be achieved by a massager that plugs in. How powerful? Let’s just say that the first time I used it, I thought I was going to explode. I’d absolutely never felt anything like it: the Hitachi is to an ordinary vibrator what a sports car is to a horse and buggy. This massager is responsible for multiple orgasms and yes, a few relaxed muscles here and there.

There are only two true negatives to the magic wand, in my mind. The first I have already mentioned: the magic wand is absurdly loud. The second is that the magic wand heats up fairly quickly, within 15-20 minutes. The manual, which is delightfully quirky, tells buyers that “The rated maximum continuous use of your massager is 25 minutes. That’s really long enough.” The magic wand’s materials are purported to be safe, as well: the casing is plastic, though I have to admit that the soft, pebbled head of the wand has me slightly worried about phthalates. If you are very worried, consider purchasing a silicone cover, like the Pleasure Dome. Alternatively, if you want to use the Hitachi internally, the Gee Whizzard or the Tri-Pod may be of interest to you.

Still, like many people I am enamored of the Hitachi magic wand, and of the very powerful orgasms it provides!