Oh, Jopen, Jopen, you let me down again. To be honest, I was absolutely thrilled to receive Jopen's Key Io as my newest review assignment. Yes, the only other experience I had with Jopen had been a let down, but I was still hopeful when I selected this admittedly beautiful vibe.

Let's start from the top: packaging. I have mixed feelings here. The box itself is quite lovely. It's whimsical but not over the top. The front of the outer sleeve shows a photo of the vibe with the words “Lift off in 3, 2, 1...” because, well, clearly the Io is out of this world. By the way, here's a fun fact. Io is one of Jupiter's moons, and it is full of angry volcanoes, kind of like me after attempting to use this. Well, the angry part, anyway.



The back of the outer sleeve lists the basic information, the gist of it being that the Io is a “mini massager,” is made of ABS plastic with 2 removable silicone sleeves, has a stainless alloy button to operate it, comes with a “soft luxury lint free storage bag” (bwahaha! We'll come back to that), has a one year warranty, uses 1 AA battery, and has enclosed directions.




Once the outer sleeve is removed, we see the interior black box that opens like a book. On the inside is a foam insert with shaped recesses that hold the vibe and sleeves. On the back of the box is some quasi-nonsense about Keys giving a “mind-blowing make-you-want-to-wake-up-the-neighbors, good time.” Yeah...OK, sure. Inside all this packaging were the instructions, warnings, and care. Care is fairly simple. Wash with hand soap, rinse, and dry well before putting it away, and don't keep a battery in the compartment when the Io is not in use. It's also important to note here that the instructions warn against using silicone lubricant with the Io, since the sleeves are silicone. Silicone doesn't get along with other silicone. Use water-based lube only. I should also note that even though the instructions don't mention it, you shouldn't use this anally as the flare on the base is not nearly big enough to make it safe for use in that manner.



Now let's talk about size and operation. The plastic vibe itself, without a sleeve, is 4 ¼ inches long, 3 inches around the biggest part of the insertable end of the vibe (the end furthest from the button), 2 ¾ inches around the “neck” of the Io (where the battery compartment cap screws off), and 3 ½ inches around the widest part of the button end. Push the button once to turn it on, press and hold the button to turn it off. The Io has one speed and 5 patterns.




The Io has two sleeves that fit loosely over the top, although one fits a little tighter than the other. One sleeve is completely smooth, the other has bumps. To attach, simply slide the sleeve over the top of the Io. Nothing holds them in place except very slight tension and friction.

Now let's move on to my experiences with it and why I feel...not awesome about it. First off, when I took it out of the package and noticed how solid and hefty it felt, I was positively giddy. Surely, this thing was going to have some strong, rumbly vibrations. I'm very sorry to say it had neither. The vibrations were weak, very buzzy, and there was only one speed. It would take a lot of work for me to have an orgasm from this type of vibration, and honestly, buzzy vibes haven't gotten me anywhere for a very long time. I got it to feel kind of, sort of good if I used the very tip of the Io in exactly the right spot without one of the sleeves, but no orgasm. I tried using the Io vaginally instead of clitorally, but no luck. It is called a “mini massager” for a reason. It's too short to hit anything good, and too thin to be satisfying.

And then there is that pretty, shiny, “stainless alloy” button. The button needs a complete redesign. It is way too touchy. During use, I accidentally changed the setting several times by brushing by the button unintentionally. That is a serious issue. Who wants to be on the verge and then suddenly change the settings without meaning to, thereby ruining their orgasm?




The sleeves have issues of their own. The buzzy vibrations feel more rumbly if there is a sleeve on, but since the vibrations are weak in the first place, the sleeves dampen it even further.

Now, I said we'd come back to that...luxury...storage bag. First off, I had no idea it came with it. I had already opened up all the packaging and taken everything out when I saw the note on the box about an included storage bag. I thought, “What? Where?” I looked and looked. No bag. I thought maybe it was a typo and they meant “storage box.” Finally, just in case, I pulled out the foam insert. It didn't look like it was made to come out, and I had to fiddle with it, but the foam did come up and the bag was underneath. Once I got the bag out, I was very unimpressed. You see, I do a lot of sewing and I handle fabrics all the time. When I touched this “luxury” bag, my first thought was that it feels cheap. I handed it to Husband, who had the same feeling. Honestly, if I was in a fabric shop and I touched a material that felt like this, I'd wrinkle my nose at it and walk away. It feels crinkly, like some paper-fabric hybrid. It is not pleasant to the touch at all. It feels...wrong.



In the end, I can't recommend this one. If it had stronger, rumbly vibrations, I would gladly shout my love from the rooftops. As it is, I'll be telling my friends to pass on it.

Honestly, the Io never makes it out of the toy box now. The vibrations are too weak and too buzzy to be of use to me. It may be fine for someone who is extremely sensitive or just starting out and wants to explore different shapes, textures and materials. However, those who are more experienced and less sensitive should skip this one.