I wanted to like this traditional vibrator, I really did! It’s a soothing lavender color, phthalate-free, not too big or too small, and it doesn’t look particularly intimidating. The Intimate Basics Siena seemed like it would be a nice beginner vibrator, and one that would be discreet while traveling. Additionally, the Siena is endorsed by Dr. Laura Berman, of the Berman Center.

I had to wait a few days to try the Siena, but once I had the batteries in hand, I took it out of its wrappings, wrinkled my nose at the unpleasant smell, washed it up and opened the case. I discovered cardboard in the vibrator, labeled with the direction of the batteries. Was I supposed to take it out? I gave it a try, but the cardboard cylinder wouldn’t budge. I pushed the two C batteries in anyway, running into difficulty since the cardboard makes for a very snug fit.

Finally, I lubed up the Siena with a little Liquid Sex, turned it on to its lowest setting, and immediately realized that the Siena is quite a powerful sex toy! The vibrations felt nice on my clit and internally; turning the dial up netted stronger vibrations. I didn’t like the fact that my hand was numb, but I did want to see just how powerful the Siena was – so all the way up the dial went. Once on the highest setting, the vibrations were so powerful that I nearly jumped out of my seat before I managed to turn it back down to medium.

Deciding that “medium” was a pleasant, powerful speed, I laid back to enjoy. Just as I felt myself building up to an orgasm, the vibrator shut off. I turned the dial to “off” and then back on. The “low” and “medium” speeds were gone, and only the highest speed would work. Thinking that the batteries were defective, I opened the vibrator to try and get them out. One battery slid out easily, but the second stayed put. I shook, twisted, and tried to pry the battery out, with no luck. I let the vibrator cool down, then put the second battery back in. To my consternation, the vibrator obstinately refused to operate at lower speeds.

I eventually did manage an orgasm at the highest setting, and decided to test whether the Siena was waterproof. Again I met with disappointment. I washed the toy carefully, making certain that the battery cylinder was tightly closed, then dried it off and opened the toy. Water dripped out onto my hand, and some had even gotten into the dial. The plastic base had already started to develop cracks.

I can’t in good conscience recommend this toy: it isn’t truly waterproof and malfunctioned quickly. I give it one star and the hope that I just have a “lemon.”