I was stoked to get my 'I rub my penguin|I rub my penguin massager'. I'm kinda obsessed with penguins. I got mine before "Good Luck Chuck" came out. So there was no red sticker on the packaging. I thought I was getting a penguin with 8 different functions: 3 vibrating and 5 pulsating. Turns out they redid the design of the I rub my penguin. He only has 3 vibrating settings: low, medium and high. There is also no shower display included, another slight disappointment. Don't worry, the I rub my penguin is still as cute as ever. Enough about appearance, let's move onto actual use.

He's waterproof, so getting the 2 AA batteries in was a little tricky. I suggest you don't try to open the cover with your nails; just push down slightly and use the heel of your palm as you twist it off. The cover sticks out of the bottom a little, but it keeps the water out just fine. I found the button inside my penguin's belly and gave him a squeeze. I had to use both my thumbs with very little force and my penguin sprang to life. As I clicked through his 3 settings, I noticed a slight rattle in his head. I washed my penguin and lubed him up and started going to town.

I found that the back of his head, rather than his nose, gave me the best stimulation, and despite his odd shape he's comfortable to hold. In low mode, I could barely feel anything, so had to stop and click my penguin up one. Medium mode was good for getting me in the mood, but it would've taken me a long time reach orgasm. When I clicked my penguin into high mode, he started rattling again. It got worse when I turned him upside-down and more so whenever I moved him slightly. I've heard of other "I rub my" products rattling and it looks like the penguin suffers the same ailment. I tried my best to ignore the rattle and finish the job. It wasn't easy, but my penguin proved true.

In the end, the I rub my penguin gets 3 vrooms because it did get me off, but it wasn't anything amazing. It gets all 5 bees for that very distracting rattle. I'd say it was at 3 bees without the rattling. I gave the I rub my penguin only 2 stars. Although it's very cute, is waterproof and works, I was expecting more from my penguin. I really wanted the pulsating functions and shower display. I'll probably never use my penguin again purely for the rattling factor. I'm sure most the I rub my penguins out there work fine. I'll hold onto mine for decorative use- what girl can't use another penguin around the house. He's too cute!

The rattling never got any better and I didn't want to send him in for a new one. He has taken his place amongst my many other penguins and is purely decorative now. He doesn't work as a toy for me, but he's still so cute!