I've owned this little clitoral pump for a few months now, and I think I can sum up my feelings of it in one solitary word: meh. Three mehs, to be precise, which I'll get to. For now I can say that some toys I really love and would recommend them over and over and over to friends, but this little cutie is not one of them.

The packaging is the standard indiscreet tackiness I've come to expect from California Exotic Novelties. Not worth saving or addressing in any great detail. Moving beyond that is the item itself. Mine is a lovely royal purple, and dotted throughout the shaft is silver glitter in amounts you probably haven't seen since you were twelve and drawing unicorns on your notebook. At the top of the shaft we have the suction cup section. The cup is about 2.5" long and 1.25" wide and fits inside one of two included rubbery covers (one smooth cover and one with long nubs). The shaft below the suction cup is just under 6" long from the end of the suction cup to the bottom. In the middle of the shaft is a rubber, flexible section. It's a nice feature to have, especially if you have the tendency to accidentally push down on your toys a little too hard.

Below the shaft we have the tubing. It's clear, nondescript, 16" long, and nothing special. Just clear plastic tubing like you would find on a fish tank. On the end is the hand pump, which to be honest, looks like a grenade from a very large dollhouse. It's purple to match the shaft, but instead of being covered with glitter, it's covered with raised hearts, giving a nice grip. And the little quick release button, you know, just in case? It's in the shape of a heart.

Cleaning is not as simple as it is with waterproof toys. The rubbery suction cup covers can be removed and washed with soap and water. The rest is not waterproof and must be cleaned with care. I suggest carefully using toy wipes.

I won't lie, this thing is cutesy. If you hate a certain girly-girl look to your toys, you don't need to read any further. This pump is not for you. Personally, I found the design to be meh #1. If you like the look, or can ignore it if you don't, we'll now talk about the actual function, namely the vibration and suction strength.

The first attempts playing with the suction were a frustrating bust. The hand pump only let me press it so many times and I got absolutely no result with it with either suction cup cover. With work, I eventually did get it to suction on to me, but not strongly. I found I had to sit, not lay, slouched, really spread my labia, and not move once suction was established. Any movement made it loose suction. But did it make me more sensitive like clitoral pumps are supposed to? If it did, not much. I couldn't tell if I actually was more sensitive or if I was just looking to be. That's meh #2.

Onto meh #3: the vibrations. Enough to orgasm? Oh, boy, not at all. Most of the vibrations seem to go around the edge of the suction cup, not where it counted. And the vibrations weren't even strong to begin with! It does have 3 settings, controlled by a single button on the shaft, so there it is at least some control, but not much.

In the end, I can only recommend this for 3 reasons: a really silly bachelorette present, initial foreplay teasing, or if you want to see what a clitoral pump is.

This was the first clitoral pump I've ever had, but the serious lack of any useful performance will have me thinking long and hard before I consider another.

I still take this one out every now and then to fiddle with it. To be honest, I don't think I'm ever going to find a way for it to work for me. It's either painful or useless, and the vibrations are just a joke. I'm about to clear it from my toy box.