Here we have a "torpedo" style vibrator that boasts "Russian man's energy." Right. If Russian men are 27 decibels and can possibly burst into flames when overheated.

This slender vibrator is designed for clitoral stimulation coming in at six inches in length and weighted down at its core with two heavy AA batteries.

Mr. Russian Torpedo, as his box names him, is made from smooth food-grade, latex free, phthalates free hypo-allergenic plastic and has the same feel and flimsiness as a plastic Easter egg from the dollar store. Not surprisingly, the device even pops open like a dollar store Easter egg so that you can insert the batteries, except that you really have to give the thing a squeeze to get it open.

The torpedo is completely see through and you can see the motor and batteries. Unfortunately, it's also quite cheaply made and has a bit of plastic from the molding it was cut from right on its blunt end where the motor is. Though this may not bother everyone, it could be irritable to someone with extreme sensitivity.

Of all the torpedo shaped vibrators in this price range on the market, and believe me I have had my fair share come through my door, this one has a really stupid design. Besides the weird pop-it-open-like-an-Easter-egg design and flimsy plastic feel, you've got a hard to control mechanism for activating the toy. To activate, after struggling for a few minutes to put the lid back on, you must twist the lid to a certain catch point. This is not like the standard dial you might find at the butt end of another vibrator of better design, this is more like twisting the Easter egg lid just right so it will work.

You absolutely have to grasp it with both hands to get it to its on position, and if you twist too far you've turned it back off.

I think aside from the size and shape, just turning the toy on proves to be too much of a hassle to go through with putting it anywhere near your crotch.

The toy, first of all, is LOUD. Like stereotypical cheap plastic vibrator loud.

The worst part was that the toy started heating up to a relatively uncomfortable "this thing is gonna explode" temperature. Leaving the toy on for about two minutes got the toy nice and hot, and was still hot to the touch a minute after it was turned off. Five minutes later the motor was still pretty warm.

Scarier still, the motor is in the lid and encased by this ridiculously thin plastic. I had serious safety concerns about this toy and did not use it for its intended function, but instead ran it through a series of somewhat related tests.

-Putting the toy on my forehead did not make my vision go blurry or shaky at all.
-Putting it up to my boyfriend's foot through his shoe it could be felt pretty strongly.
-Putting it up to a Beanie Baby seemed like a serious misuse of an innocent Beanie Baby

I would not recommend putting this inside, on top of, or beneath anyone you love or care about.

If you're brave enough to ride the Russian Lightning, when you return from the local burn center for treatment you'll want to give it a wipe down with warm water and antibacterial soap. And if you're looking to lube this thing up feel free to go for either water, silicone, or oil based lubricants.

Direct quotes from the package for "Russian Torpedo"

-Foreign style
-High tech weapon
-Give you unique enjoyment

MAKE YOU HAPPY EVERYDAY!

Let this cute little guy brings you endless climax! Can't believe? Just try it!

With Russian man's energy and body, and the shape of torpedo, added with the powerful motor. It is ready to dig the deep of the lady. The vibrator focuses its energy in one area. Although it seems a little hard, it can be rubbed quite firmly. It can give lady the special feeling, take lady to the deluxe and sexy world. Stimulate partner to sexual orgasm.

YOU WILL NEVER FORGET THE TIME YOU AND HIM!