Okay, Look Squirmy. You lied to me. You promised me you would twist and turn in ways that would make me writhe in pleasure, but instead, left me feeling like my vagina might be inadequate. I thought we would be friends forever, that your vibrations would send me screaming through one orgasm after another, but alas, no, I found you mediocre, Sub-par at best. Know, I was hoping we would join as one in the kind of ecstasy one can only experience as a toy, but your settings were lacking, having no real distinction between them, and though when your bubbled head teased my clit, I found it quite pleasurable, I never found your minute revelations to be disgustingly pitiful. I have had rotating toys before, and they have been vastly superior to your ministrations. Please, please do not trouble yourself trying to explain, there is no time I would ever insert you again, but I would allow you to tease me, bringing along your brother or my boyfriend to really sate my needs.

Do not bother to contact me again, toy, for you have disappointed me beyond words. Please, do not be upset - we were not made for each other, not as others are, and perhaps someone with a less experienced view would enjoy your gentle prodding, but I, I need more from a toy. Something that provides me a new emotion, a new experience, you are too classical, too weak to overpower my senses, much less me.

I know, I know, you did your best, but your "textured" head was too firm, too prickly, and I found it felt so much more like loving a cactus than a raspberry. Perhaps we didn't communicate correctly, I wanted love, not lashes. So what can I say, darling? We will never be what we need from each other. I offer this opinion, hoping another finds you, hoping another loves you, for I never shall. Please, poor toy, move on to others and find joy.

Darling, we're still not seeing eye to eye, even on days where I expect you may shine. Why? Why do you continue to haunt me. I feel as if I've failed you. Time and again I've reached into my toy box, my fingers have found you, and in mild curiosity, I've given you time. Time you have wasted.