Beyond the title, I'm going to spare you any gun jokes in favor of just telling you straight: This thing made me cry.

And I'm not talking a kind of "my dog just got run over by a bus full of cancer-ridden orphans on their way to Disney Land" cry, I'm talking that the first orgasm I had with this little plastic love-nugget, as its resume might say, "met or exceeded expectations" so much that I literally cried tears of pure, unadulterated happiness at the end of my solo time after an orgasm that likely made every cock I've ever encountered simultaneously shrivel in fear of what this baby can do to a woman.

The best part about this oversized bullet is its sheer, MacGuyver-like versatility. I tried these out on pierced nipples to great delight (though for me, at the higher speeds, it stung just a little from being too powerful), as well as non-penetrative anal play. Use it alone, use it together, put on your thighs, stroke it along your labia, and you can even get some shallow penetration from this sweet little Swiss Army Bullet, which is one major advantage over smaller, more standard-sized bullets. The only thing this thing isn't going to do for you is cuddle when you're done, but really, you can only ask so much from something that works so hard!

Veterans and noobies alike will find this toy non-threatening (unless you're into that) and extremely compatible with simultaneous usage of a vibrator or other toys.

The RO-120mm Bullet is made of silver-painted, lightweight plastic. It is smooth and non-porous, which means when it's wet, there is no friction like some 'velvet' plastics give. It gets its weight from the batteries, but is otherwise easy to handle. The only seam to be had is the one running around the base, where you can twist off the waterproof seal/cap and access the batteries, so no worries of surprise pokes or pinches ruining your fun unless you masturbate with it backwards -- and to each, their own, right?

Being a bullet, even an oversized one, this obviously isn't for someone looking for deep or particularly filling penetration, nor for anyone who requires a complex labrynth of ridges to tickle their fancy.

This bullet is the bullet that makes all others feel impotent, and for good reason. With 5" of real estate, rest assured that you will not be contorting your hand impossibly in order to grip this as you use it. It fits comfortably in the palm of your hand, and chronic pen-clickers will have a grand time just pressing the soft purple button at the end to switch between speeds and patterns. The geniuses at Rocks Off also got one thing majorly right -- you have to hold the button down for two seconds to shut it off, which means no mid-wank frustration when your orgasm is just beyond the horizon and you have to turn the damn thing off to get back to your favorite vibration pattern. Can I send them a thank you note?

Larger than average though it is, the RO-120 could fit into even a fairly small purse if needed, and certainly so with a suitcase. I can't exactly speak to the discreetness of a 5" silver-painted, phallic-shaped object that vibrates, but it is certainly no 10" dong, so I suppose it's not so bad on that front. Your little sister might not know what it is, but your mother is no idiot. However, this is a toy suited for users on both ends of the spectrum; first-time toy owners will not find it intimidating, and seasoned masturbators will find that it is the right size for use with a partner.

When I was searching for my first bullet, I wasn't about to settle for less. One speed was insultingly novice and anything above 5 seemed out of my price range. However, this bullet combines the best of both worlds with three speeds of vibration, one fast pulse, and one slow-building pulse that I'd like to call the Incredible, Unbearable, Lobotomizing Clit-Teaser due to the way it goes from weak to strong vibrations and then suddenly drops off again. I found that the lowest setting was not overbearing, but if you are sensitive to vibration, the highest setting is quite powerful for a bullet.

What's especially nice is that this tiny powerhouse spares nothing: You don't lose the vibrations to your hand, in fact, you lose your hand to the vibrations. Indeed, this toy takes no prisoners, as it would rather your finger go numb than your pussy go unsatisfied, and really, I think that's pretty fair.

I put my own embarrassment on the line for the sake of science (or just an Eden review...) and did the roommate test with my decidedly male roommate milling about the house, blissfully unaware of my goings-on. I turned it on, set it down on top of my bed, and walked out of my room and shut the door. Even with no music playing, unless you plaster your ear to the door (and really, if your roommate is doing that, it's probably time for a new roommate...), it was silent from the other side, though I imagine if you have very thin walls this would not be the case. I grew bold and used it later, both with and without music going, and there was no report back of "a phone that would not stop vibrating", so I would consider it a relative success.

White noise, such as a dishwasher or fan running, as well as a washing machine or dryer will most definitely mask the buzz if you're feeling especially paranoid and/or are an effectual multi-tasker who is going to need a pair of clean panties when you're done. The classic solutions of music or a shower will also easily hide the buzz from wandering ears.

This toy is amazingly easy to clean and requires no special care. With minimal printing on the body of the bullet, it means little space for stray bits of fluid to get trapped in and colonize a village of vaginal nightmares, which is good news for everybody. Hot water and soap will zap away any potential nasties with ease.

Storage is pretty versatile -- you could stuff this in your panty drawer if you wanted and not have to worry about it being a Swiffer pad for fuzz, and because it is made of non-porous plastic, any lube will do fine. It will not take up much space, move into your room while you're at work, or use your toothbrush, which is sometimes more than you can say of your significant other or perhaps roommate.

Let's make no illusions about this -- Rocks Off has their priorities straight and spent more money in making a solid toy than they did packaging it. If you're giving this as a gift to a friend who bathes in champagne and eats Franklins for lunch, this might be an embarrassment to you, as the packaging consists of a flimsy plastic case that fits snugly around the bullet and contains nothing else. You flip up the flap of the package and slide the bullet out and that's literally everything there is to it. On the plus side, the no-nonsense type is going to love not having to saw through five layers of plastic like they're opening the Holy Grail. You can go from box to sexy-time in five seconds flat, so it's nothing if not down to business.

If you're searching for your first sex toy and you're hesitant to drop a lot of money, I would heavily recommend investing in this bullet and adding on the freebie vibrators that Eden offers with each purchase. Why, you ask? It takes the cheap plastic vibrators from being just "okay" to "asdkgajsdghhhh" (which would be the sound of you losing all grasp of the English language) by giving you the gift of fantastic clitoral stimulation at the same time.

I've used this thing so much in the three weeks since I got it that I'm surprised it hasn't asked me to put a ring on it yet. And I'm actually kind of considering it.