When I first received my package of vibrating balls, something struck me as odd. At first I couldn't quite isolate what it was, but when I came back to the packaging in order to write this review, I figured out what it was: I had actually purchased "Vibratating" balls. It's both interesting and slightly disturbing to think about the quality of a product manufactured by a company that doesn't proofread their packaging (The packaging states it was manufactured in New Jersey, so they cant write it off to language barrier). I decided to take all the claims written on the packaging and address them one by one.

The first thing mentioned was the extra long cord given between power unit and the set of balls. An arbitrary unit of measure, but it would be safe to say that if you need any more cord than is given, you should move the battery pack. The cord given between the balls, however, may leave some wanting more. Only 3 inches of cord separates one ball from the other, which may limit certain activities available. My partner and I were able to insert one ball in the vagina while using the other for clitoral stimulation. If either of us were more experienced with anal play, it could have easily fit in both the vagina and anus, although not very deep.

The second feature promoted on the packaging was a removable power plug. To be honest, I found this completely unnecessary. If you remove the power, the balls will not vibrate, negating the main purpose of purchasing such balls. If you wanted regular balls on a string, you could have gotten a nice chain of beads for much cheaper. Having a removable plug also introduces an unnecessary vulnerability to dirt and water, which may render the toy useless. I strongly doubt anyone out there would fault the company for permanently affixing the cord to the power supply.

The next two claims I will take together, as they are very much related. The balls do have variable speed, controlled with rotary dial on the side of the battery pack. Both balls are controlled with a single dial, meaning you cant have each ball vibrate at a different frequency. Though promoted as "ultra quiet," I can think of many things that are quieter, like sex. If my partner and I are trying to have a quickie in her room while the roommates are outside watching TV, we may have to stifle a few moans, but it's easily doable. Using this, even at the medium setting, makes that near impossible. It makes a louder whine than most small vibrators, and at full power you can here this thing through a hollow door. And if you let the balls touch while they're vibrating, there's no way you're keeping sex a secret anymore.

The last thing of note written on the packaging is that the device is waterproof. I didn't test this scientifically, but there are things that are obvious after use. The cord and balls seem well constructed, made of plastic textured in order to replicate a velvety touch. The connections between the cord and balls are capped with plastic inserts, which should hold out any reasonable amount of water. I felt safe to insert these into my partner's vagina without fear of losing them or having them short out due to moisture. There is, however, one problem with the waterproof claims on the packaging. It states that one should "Secure cap tightly closed during cleaning and while in use with water." The only cap is the cap securing the batteries in their enclosure, so I must assume that is the cap being referred to. The problem is, I can see the batteries through it. No joke, there is a gaping hole through which I can see the batteries. No amount of secure "capping" will keep water out of the battery compartment. Should you actually submerge the entire unit in water, it would give a small invigorating jolt as it dies in your arms.

I suppose I'm being too hard on the product. Although most of the claims made on the packaging are outlandish and sometimes misleading, the toy itself functions just fine. The balls produce a nice range of vibration and sound to match, with the highest setting more intense than other products of a similar size. My partner can easily orgasm using these as clitoral stimulation, and their size and shape make them easy for her to use as I'm penetrating from the top. I would recommend other products on principle, but if you do end up buying these, you wont be in short supply of things to try.