When I first found out I would be reviewing the Classix 7-Function Monkey, I was beyond excited - a triple stimulation vibrator. What more could a girl ask for? With ten speeds of both vibration and rotation, I thought I would be in heaven. As if that wasn't enough, it also has a monkey-shaped attachment that delivers vibes straight to the clitoris and a slim, curved tail for anal stimulation. So, needless to say, when my new package arrived in the mail, I tore it open.

The first thing I noticed was the smell. That rubber jelly smell just seems to pour out into the room, contaminating every space it comes in contact with. Immediately, I thought: how am I supposed to become stimulated while all I can think about is this wretched smell? So, I decided to try and wash away the smell. Since the Monkey vibrator is a jelly toy, I washed it with hot water and mild soap, then I washed it a second time... and a third. No matter how many times I tried, the smell still didn't get better. Now, allow me to introduce the Monkey's second downfall - its texture/coating. Pipedream created a shaft with attachments, like the monkey head and rotating pearls, and then simply rolled on the rubber coating to hold everything together. The monkey tail that sounded so intriguing is only a thin piece of rubber that offers no stimulating qualities whatsoever; you could have more fun with a wet noodle.

However, the promise of triple stimulation outweighed the smell and coating, so I decided to go ahead and try it out. The Classix 7-function monkey has two different controls - one for rotation, one for vibration. It also has a function button in the center, containing seven different pre-set programs, much like the different programs you can choose on a treadmill (although a lot more fun, if you ask me). With candles lit all around me and soft music playing, I slipped the Monkey into my pussy and turned it on. Then, I turned the settings up... and up... and up. Unfortunately, if you're like me and prefer a high vibration, then the Monkey will never fully satisfy your needs. I tried using the different programs, but each program seemed too low-vibration for me to enjoy. Furthermore, I couldn't even feel the tail, and the monkey head only reached my clit when the shaft was inserted halfway.

Yet, I was persistent. I tried it two more times - I was determined to get some sort of joy out of this toy. On my third try, I started feeling a weird sensation - like I had a blender in my pussy. I removed the Classix 7-function monkey vibe only to discover that several of the pearl beads had fallen off their track and were randomly floating around inside the rubber, creating all sorts of less-than-pleasant sensations for yours truly. However, this experience hasn't deterred me from rabbit vibrators altogether. There are some really great ones that I have experienced that suit my needs perfectly.