Something told me that I would be in for disappointment when I opened the package and found the Masquerade Costume bag already had holes in it. The costume itself was unscathed, fortunately. But as I looked down at the bitchy-looking model on the cover of the package wearing the G.I. Girl costume and looked at the material in my hands, I knew this would not end well.

When ordering any scandalous costumes, one must be realistic about the strengths and weaknesses of one's body. If you know you hate your stomach, don't get mid-drift-bearing tiny tees. If you think you've got nasty saddlebags and a butthigh, steer clear of the short shorts. Well, I don't think I have either of those problems but this outfit sure made me look like I did.

The flimsy yet confining spandex short slid on easily but brought with them some serious muffin tops that had not been there moments before when I slipped out of my underwear. The top was cute and extremely comfortable but did nothing for my minuscule amount of cleavage. But if you're looking for a boost in the bust, switch out the lycra bikini top that comes with the set for a solid black padded bra. If you normally rely on the hotness of your arm muscles, look elsewhere, since your guns will be in hiding.

I wanted to like it. I really did! The design was cute, the materials seemed capable of being worn many times, it even came with an adorable little hat! But the combination of boob-obliterating, arm-covering top and fat-accentuating shorts (that feel tight despite being super stretchy) actually made me dislike my body.

The camouflage colors are cool, but they actually draw the eye to the skin instead, like a big glowing arrow towards the not-terribly-attractive bulges of muffin top pushed out by the spandex waistband. I looked closely at the aforementioned bitchy-looking model on the cover (who is different from the model on the pics here) and examined how the outfit looked on her. Well, not surprisingly, she looked fine. But also not surprisingly, she looked photoshopped. The goosebumps which ran up the length of her legs and down the length of her torso stopped just a few inches away from the shorts, magically.

For the girls out there who don't care about such things or who don't have much of the way of curvature in the hips, you'll be just fine. You'll have a solidly-constructed, hand-washable, very cute little outfit. But for my ladies who are sitting there wondering "do I have too much hippage?" the answer is: no, but this costume will make you think you do.

After my disastrous experience with this outfit, I handed it off to a much thinner friend (sheer muscle with inexplicably nice natural boobs) and she wasn't a fan either. She didn't like the hat- it wouldn't stay on her head and while she still plans to wear it out, her reaction was less than thrilled.