When I was ready to become sexually active, I hit the books. Hard.

Everywhere that I found recommended Astroglide. It was as ubiquitous as condoms, or the recommendation to have open communication with your partner. Apparently it was a magical fluid which would make sex better, improve masturbation, and cook breakfast for you.

In practice, not so much.

In the interests of honesty, I will confess that it was Astroglide that made me realize I'm sensitive to glycerin. That unpleasant burning sensation would make it hard to enjoy any lubricant, but that's not why I'm stopping to write this review.

Outside of my personal issues with Astroglide, many of the issues that are associated with water-based lubricants cropped up with the product. It's thin and doesn't stay where you put it, instead dripping and wearing away with the same lack of persistence as vaginal fluid. Some might find this appealing for the realism, but for me, it meant I was constantly having to reapply it. It'd start to go tacky or dry up every five minutes or so, and I'd be stuck fumbling for a bottle with sticky fingers instead of enjoying what was going on.

Texture-wise, Astroglide doesn't provide as much slickness as I've come to expect from lubricant. It'll slide, but it's a wet slide rather than a smooth glide, and it dries up quickly. The remaining sensation is unpleasant and often slightly crusty.

Another turn-off for me was the sheer amount that needs to be used. For Astroglide to work effectively, you need to essentially drown yourself in it. Too little, and you will run out of slick before you can do anything. Too much, and the natural sensations of sex are dulled to the point where my partner eventually flat out refused to use the lubricant.

Is it possible there are redeeming factors? Sure. But after having shopped around and having tried different kinds of lube, the only appeal I see in Astroglide (even in the glycerin-free versions, which I've tried) is the distinctive, attractive bottle.

There are many better choices on the market. Astroglide's only positive is that it pops up absolutely everywhere. If you are desperate for lube and cannot go anywhere but a grocery store, a bottle might work. In any other circumstances though, skip this.