UPDATE (2/21/2010) : I can't figure out how to edit my follow up review, so I'm going to put this here. While the review below is true, after months of using it (I recently ran out) I love this lube. I still hated the funky taste it it got into my mouth, and I hated the pump top- but it lasted long, and is an incredible lube. After going through the whole bottle, I have to bump this up to 5/5 stars and recommend this lubricant to everyone!

Original Review : I got this in the mail, a little under a week ago. First off, upon opening the box, Maximus (250mL) was in a small pump bottle. The pump was inserted down into the bottle, and turned into the 'off' position. A thin strip of tape held the pump in place during its exciting journey from New Jersey. The pump itself is white, where as the actually bottle is clear. Thanks to its clear plastic container, you can see first hand just how thick Maximus is. For a better idea, be sure to tilt it and watch how slowly the air bubble manages to move.

After removing the strip of protective tape, you turn the pump until it pops up. Now you are ready to play! Well, almost - as with anything in pump form, you have to give it a few test pumps to get the air out. After that, you get a glob of thick, almost odorless lube. Now when I say almost odorless, you really need to be up in that lube's business to catch it's soft, not-unpleasant scent. It reminds me of the scent of those old toys, they had that were long plastic bag-tubes. When you squeezed it, it would slide right out of your hands. They were all the rage when I was younger, and now I have a lube that smells like them. Maximus tastes bitter, and just downright yucky. Don't put your mouth anywhere it might be coated, unless you enjoy the taste somehow.

For me the lube got gummy in the middle of vaginal play, and I had to add more. Also the lube leaked onto the sheet, and left no stains. It was as if I just spilled a little water. For anal play it was much better, so for me Maxmimus works for my ass, but is too gummy for my pussy. Storing it in my pleasure chest is a bit of a hassle because of the pump. I don't want to leave the pump on, because I don't want it to squeeze out onto everything. So after every use, I have to waste a pump or two while battling to get the pump back down and turned off. At 16 dollars a pop, I can't afford to use an extra 1-2 pumps trying to close it. If you use this in a dresser, upright, no worries. If you are storing it in a smaller space- it can be a wasteful pain.

This is only the second Lube I've ever tried, the first being KY. If you've used KY, then you know it has a thin texture to it. Maximus is more of a thick and heavy lube. It is water based, which is recommended by doctors since they are safer and better than 'old school' lubes. Maximus didn't damage the condom I used, and I found that it was very easy to wash from my body. Water based lubricants come in many different consistencies, ranging from the thin like water, or thick like pudding.

Maximus is somewhere between the two, it runs slowly if you have it on your hand and tilt it, but not as thick as pudding. Since thicker lubrications are better for a little back door fun, (if you catch my drift) Maxmius is ideal for anal play. Some find that thicker lubricants are also better for use with your toys, because it stays on a toy better than a thinner lubricant like KY. So in my opinion using Maximus is rather messy, and I prefer a more watered down lube for toy play, at least as far as my pussy goes. Anally, Maxmius was wonderful. But next time I'm going to get something thinner, with a push-top, like shampoo or something that isn't a pump.

Alright I've given this a few more shots, and I've found that now it stays slick in my pussy, so I must have just been having a bad vaginal-PH two weeks ago or something. Either way I've found one pump usually keeps me slick for hours, and keeps me nice and happy for my play times. I still complain though about two things that I mentioned in my original review.

1. I still am at odds with the pump. It's just not cutting it for my pleasure chest. If I lived alone/without shame, and could just leave it on my vanity or something, I would. Buuut it's not that simple as I still live with my parents.

2. The taste! Don't put your fingers anywhere near your mouth without washing thoroughly! Don't forget under the nails as well or you'll go from the naughty "I wanna taste myself" mood, directly into "oh god that tastes disgusting" mood.

So if you don't need to use discretion, and keep your lube hidden, this is the lube for you; if you remember not to taste it anyhoo. The bottle is a turn off. The function is a turn on. The way it doesn't stain is a turn on. The way it stays slick vaginally and anally is a turn on. The way it tastes is a turn off. The way you can use it with every toy (I don't see why you couldn't, anyway. Maybe if you had a sex toy made out of paper towels... ouch!) is a turn on. The way you cannot use it in the shower is a turn off. Over all, I'd pop this rating back up to 4/5 stars, rather than my original 3/5.

Maximus needs the option for flavors, and containers.