Makes Lovers Easy to Ri-ide!
Makes Lovers Easy to Ri-i-ide!
Makes Lovers Easy to Ride!
Ride into THERE!
Yes, put it in THERE!

In some ways this is a great Lube. No nasty tangy-sweet flavors. No funky fragrances to tip off visitors or family that you've been way more naughty than they suspected. No parabens or smelly glycerin to give you that lovely acid-wash-and-burn feeling. Or worse. Oh, it doesn't stain, either.

Unfortunately, I can't comment on exactly what IS in the lube besides the water and cellulose content. Foolish me, I used the entire bottle rather quickly between using "dry enemas" as a prep for anal play (use 3-10 cc of lube instead of water, much less mess), and the anal play itself. A LOT of anal play. More anal play in a week than I had done in a week as a teenager or in college. Maybe a month. Then I chucked the bottle.

This may or may not be important as it seems there has been some variation in Sliquid's formulations. For example, for the Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula EF lists these ingredients: Purified Water, Plant Cellulose, Polyquat 007, DMDM Hydantoin. My bottle of Sassy reads: Purified Water, Plant Cellulose (from Cotton), Cyamopsis (Guar Conditioners), Potassium Sorbate, Citric Acid.

DMDM Hydantoin is a preservative that acts by slowly releasing formaldehyde. An article on PubMed noted levels of released formaldehyde high enough to trigger reactions in sensitive individuals. Immune and non-reproductive organ toxicity was noted and limits placed in the EU.

Polyquat 007 is a synthetic polymer added at 0.5% (according to Sliquid) to increase lubricity, but I found abstracts of articles on PubMed investigating contact dermatitis and other issues. Immune and non-reproductive organ toxicity was noted and limits placed in the EU.

So, Sliquid seems to have dropped these from the formula. Good news.

Cyamopsis is short for CYANOPSIS TETRAGONOLOBA; the plant that produces Guar gum. I found a lone Pubmed article on an allergic reaction, apparently the first noted reaction despite Guar gum being as common as air in our food.

Potassium Sorbate is an acid salt of sorbic acid, also ubiquitous in the food supply, as is Citric Acid, probably present as dissolved potassium or sodium citrate and used as buffers and preservatives.

I have seen two different bottles and label styles poking around the web, so I expect Ride H2O may have been modified more than once. My bottle was tall with a lizard on a grey label, but there is also a tall Dude Lube Ride H2O bottle with a cowboy and bucking bronco on a brown label and ingredients to match my bottle of Sassy, minus the citric acid.

Anyway, with a few reservations it is good stuff and worth the price.

Sliquid Ride H2O lubricant is of a medium viscosity and is thinner than the Sassy Booty version. It pours, but not from the flip cap; you'll have to squeeze. While it mostly stays in place or at least in the vicinity, Ride pools more readily and runs down and drips off vertical surfaces more easily than Sassy. It has a nice slick, non-oily, non-greasy texture that barely builds thick drops and no globs. There is not much tack till nearly dry and it refreshes easily and even more slickly, but possibly with less film thickness. It is much less viscous than K-Y and does not dry sharp or thick, more powdery with a slight crust. Drafts and central air increase the drying rate dramatically, as does external rubbing (no moisture added from inside wherever).

Cleanup is easy, a wet cloth or paper towel makes it go away in a few wipes. It goes even faster with soap.

One of the high points is taste. There isn't any. Zip, nada, none. No odor either. Not even the little odor and flavor Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula had. I expect the odd oral sensation Sassy produces was there, but less noticeable with the thinner Ride formula. I didn't notice. Anyway, I've never had a lube that tasted like thick water. It's a very nice change as EVERY other lube I've tried, with the exception of Sassy, olive oil and vaseline had flavors ranging from nasty artificial sweetener, through lightly burned sweetened electrical insulation, to paint. Latex, but still paint. Bleah.

Oooh performance. Well, I'm a guy, I have the internet and a bottle of new lube. After watching selections from Avenue Q, I put on some porn and lubed up. And went drier than last weeks ham sandwich in no time. So I tried again. No go, this lube isn't great or even good for handjobs beyond the get-it-hard-NOW-please stage. Maybe a trickling arrangement with a recirculating pump as found in a machine shop would help. Well, I've never seen a dildo in a machine shop, can you imagine the damage from all the metal shavings?

Never mind, off to the bedroom. There it performed pretty well on my usual toys. I rode a few old jellies (see my reviews, the larger ones), my just past recent faves Adam's Pleasureskin Cock

and my 2-1/4 thick but very smooth Jellie Big Boy (not shown as EF doesn't carry it). Slappity slap and fappity fap.

Ride H2O smooths things out nicely and takes more than five and less than fifteen minutes to dry and fifteen may be a stretch if the reciprocation rate is high and there's a draft. Turn the fans off, it will last longer. Use a little more than you would of a lube that contains glycerin. Lots of it dries powdery or slightly crusty. Add water. By the way, don't be alarmed by foam or froth, it doesn't hurt and a few drops of water make it transparent again. Foaming seems to be an issue with water/cellulose lubes, but it's a non-issue unless you are shooting pics or video. You can always say your dick or dildo is rabid for whoever you're stuffing it into.

Over several days I had lots of fun, wasn't sore except for that post-nooner well-fucked-feeling and that was pretty well gone the next day. Then Hung arrived.

This is Hung


There's a graphic description of that little experience on my review, but long story short, it felt pretty damn good. That day. That night I was pretty sore. The next day I was VERY sore. Can you say "The Ibuprofen isn't helping the swelling." sore? I didn't play much for the next week.

Right. This lube isn't for even semi-wannabe-extreme dildoing. If it's big for you and you're tight on it, get the Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula which also dries more slowly. You will be much, much happier. If you aren't, whoever you whine and moan to will be. Your pet's won't leave the room. You may find true love. At the least, you can try a bigger, throbbier toy after the next crappy blind date.

Ride H2O WAS packaged in a clear bottle about 6" tall with a gray/silver label, black text "RIDE" and "h2o lubricant" in a hard to read gothic font. Oh, and a very cool blue lizard. In a group of bottles with the word "Lubricant" turned away it could pass for discreet or nearly so. The bottle will not stand on a bed. It has a rocker lid which for a couple of good reasons (incidents with other lubes) I don't trust not to leak, but at least can be opened one handed. Bag it for travel.

The new packaging and possibly formula is a tall brown bottle and lighter label with a bronco rider and the words "Dude Lube RIDE!" with a blue medallion containing the words "water based" lower on the label.

I'm going to comment and admit that I am biased away from silicone lubes and toward hypoallergenic/nontoxic ones. Many or most silicone lubes may perform better than water based, especially a non-glycerin formula such as Ride H2O or Sassy Booty. However, chemically inert may not mean non-catalytic or that an inflammatory response isn't present and that stuff doesn't hose out well. SO - I'll take a pass on chemically complex lubes.