Liquid Silk. One of the best-selling, highest-rated water-based lubes that EdenFantasys sells. As a woman on a quest for the perfect lube, I had to try it. I was prepared to adore this lube, but what I found wasn’t quite what I had expected.

This hybrid lube comes in a large pump bottle that should last you for quite a while. It’s not a little bottle you can hide under your pillow, nor is it discrete enough to leave out on a table when guests are over, but it is sturdy, dispenses a reasonable puddle of lube at each pump, and doesn’t spill when it gets tossed to the other end of the bed during your more, ahem, vigorous moments. I never had a problem with it leaking while traveling, but I always put it in a plastic bag, just in case.

This lube has only a very faint chemical smell to it, rather reminiscent of some of the toy goos we played with as kids, but the taste is not one of the more tempting ones I’ve tried in the name of science. It’s definitely bitter, with a hint of the odd smell it carries in the taste. The aftertaste lingers for more than a few minutes, as well. This is definitely NOT a lube I would recommend for oral sex, slick though it may be.

And my oh my is it slick! It glides like the good ol’ natural lady-juices, but it’s not slippery or tacky. It flows enough to make it easy to apply, but not so much it all dribbles out of your hand before you get it to its final destination.

This hybrid lube was, in many ways, the best of both worlds, especially for sex. It lasted for a long time without a need to reapply, and it didn’t get gummy or leave a funky residue. It didn’t stain the sheets or towels, either, which is always a plus. The texture was a little thicker than I prefer for use with toys, but it worked fairly well with the more heavily-textured ones. The exception to this was for anal toys, and there Liquid Silk shone. It made everything back there easier, especially for those of us who are new to anal exploration. While it can’t be used with silicone or life-like material toys, it plays nicely with other materials. Though it is a silicone lube, it doesn’t hold up well in water, so a quick lusty shower is the most water play to expect out of Liquid Silk.

So far, so good. We have the good: an amazing texture for vaginal sex and anal exploration. We have the bad: a vile taste, material incompatibility, and being not-quite-waterproof. Now, for the ugly: the evil demon of the abyss, one of the biggest hurdles in my quest for a perfect lube: parabens. I’m sensitive to them. They make my poor pussy burn. Unfortunately, when I purchased my bottle of Liquid Silk, I hadn’t yet realized that my problem was with parabens.

I had been determined to fall in love with this lube.

Unfortunately for me, I did.

The first time I used this lube with my boyfriend, I somehow managed to not notice that it was the source of my pain. We used it with a textured condom, attempting to try out said condom, and like most textured condoms it left me feeling raw, like I’d been making love to the back of a porcupine. Never guessing that the lube could be contributing to the agony, I assumed the pain was all from the condom and declared Liquid Silk my new favorite lube.

Over the next several days, I tried this lube with various toys, with varying success. Used anally, I had very few problems, but when used vaginally, it always began to burn after a while, and the more times I tried it, the worse it got. However, enthralled as I was by this lube, I refused to acknowledge that there was a problem. This went above and beyond testing a lube in the name of science: this was fanaticism.

The second time we tried this lube together was without a condom. Within moments it began to burn; my boyfriend swears I scorched his ears with my language. I grabbed the towel we had set the lube on and tried to remove the offending substance, but it continued to burn. Finally, we both had to take a shower and wash off every trace of the lube before we could safely have sex again. I consigned my Liquid Silk to the back of the toy drawer for a few weeks, feeling hurt and betrayed by my perfect lubricant. I had learned my lesson. Half a dozen lubes later, I had traced my sensitivity down to parabens.

After a while, I figured I had to do something with all of that lube. The talk on the forums of lubing up neighbors’ porches and goldfish sounded like fun, but to my dismay I find myself without neighbors with porches or goldfish. It turned out that Liquid Silk makes a pretty good shaving gel, though, or even a hand moisturizer in a pinch.

While I can't use this lube on any of my bits (vaginal or anal), Liquid Silk's turned out to be a great lube for my boyfriend. It works very well with his hands, sleeves, plugs, and dildos, without any of the burning irritation I experienced. For glass, only a tiny bit is needed.

For his silicone Tantus dildos, it's thick enough for them to glide in with ease, and it clings to the silicone instead of getting squeegeed off by the sphincter. It has also proved great for strap-on sex, both in bed and in the shower. As long as we don't have lube dripping off the base of the dildo onto me, I have no problems.

Final verdict? Even though I can't use it on myself, I love this lube. Now they just need a paraben-free formula.